But she is entirely IN HER RIGHT to move away from the doctor!

Again, remove the hospital setting and medical titles, and this nurse would be an accomplice to sexual assault.

Dear Doctor:

That cervix you want to check happens to be contained within my body. I’m not just an afterthought: you’re touching me, not just a standardized dilation-meter.

Love,
Women everywhere

I know I’m echoing what other people said, but this is a case of sexual assault.
And please don’t say that the information the doc needed was vital. This sickens me.
OP, please report this ‘doc’ to the board of the hospital, the Joint Commissions and the Birth Survey. Probably nothing will be done, but it will be noted.

Leaving the doctor totally out of this for my comment.. there is only so many times you can comment on how bad something is.

OP, I’m so sorry. What was the doctor trying to do… just check dialation? I completely know how you feel in terms of feeling violated. With my first birth the doctor attempted to manually dialate me without telling me when I thought it was just a routine dialation check. I was crawling backwards on the bed and yelling at her to stop and saying that it hurt. She never did and never even acknowledged me after. She simply turned to the nurse and said “I just tried to manually dialate her, that should jump start things.”

Just in case this is your first experience and you haven’t had another baby yet, not all doctors are like this. My new OB actually expressed shock when I told him that I was manually dialated without being told and the doctor didn’t stop when I yelled to stop several times. I told him about it because I wanted to know that he would listen to me and tell me what he was going to do first so I could say yes or no. There’s good ones out there!

I’m sure the (totally unnecessary) check to see ‘how you’re progressing!’ was done as part of a routine procedure (not saying it’s right, but just something they like to do to prove you can’t go into labor on your own if you’re not dilated to three cm by 38 weeks). I think even more upsetting is the nurse’s reaction, which is like a mother scolding a child. Unreal. They use the nurses to justify their actions and do the dirty work of interacting with the patient when the doctor is afraid to or can’t face her because he knows what he’s doing is wrong.

I find the nurse’s comments just as disturbing as the doctor’s actions.

Cervical checks for dilation are really useless and once a mother says no to whatever procedure the doctor should not continue.

I’m sure the nurse heard Maria say this and for him/her to support the doctor’s assault is just as bad as being the one assaulting.

“Eh, would the folks who are not sure about this comment feel differently if it were unwanted VE, amniotomy, cord traction, early cord cutting (or failure to collect cord blood), episiotomy, sedatives/pain killers, pitocin in non-emergency situation, tugging on the baby, cesarean section, giving vitamin K/eye drops/formula or sugar water or a pacifier to the baby particularly if wishes are already clearly known, circumcision, husband stitch, birth control shot or tubal ligation, or tossing out her placenta when she wanted to save it.. ?

Dear doctor,

If it isn’t wanted, a woman is saying or more accurately usually yelling at you NO – Don’t that hurts – Stop doing that – Quit doing that – DO NOT DO “insert action” – or – I do not consent! (or it is something you had to obtain consent for, or a woman provided explicit instructions and this isn’t a dire emergency), and they are still cognitively aware enough aka not unconscious or bleeding to death or the baby isn’t in extreme dire distress or it’s something entirely optional that she DECLINED.. if you can, which you probably almost always can, if appropriate you STOP what you’re doing and explain why it is either A. necessary or B. a good idea. and perhaps or perhaps do not obtain consent. If you do not obtain consent, you STOP and either plead your case if necessary – without badgering/insulting – or you move on if the situation is fitting. If it’s something optional, you either already know her wishes, or need to approach her at a different time about it.

You don’t just keep doing what you’re doing and yell back “It’s better this way/for your own good” (Or in this case “Stop moving away from the doctor!”(which screams of paternalism and outright assault) regardless of whether or not you honestly believe what you’re doing is a good idea or necessary.

Next time. Use informed CONSENT, all the way! Okay?

I’m somewhat copy-pasting my reply to “I’m Doing This For Your Own Good” because it is for the most part very appropriate to this reply, too.

Seriously. Docs. Nurses. NO MEANS NO! Didn’t your mothers teach you this?!

Course maybe this doc would find this comment said to me humorous “No, no doesn’t mean no. No means give her a roofie!”.

Seriously, medical professionals, get a grip.

I am sorry for your experience, OP.

How terrible for Momma. As a homebirth midwife, I just don’t understand how docs can keep getting away with this. In our practice, we ask clients if they would like an exam, give pros and cons, etc. When they do choose to have one, we try to be so gentle. I always tell ladies what I’m doing move for move and ask them to tell me if I’m making them uncomfortable or if the exam hurts. I can NOT imagine continuing after a mom has said “Stop, ouch, it hurts, get out of me, no more” etc. It’s so crazy.

Any Dr worth a damn should immediately realize their patient is in distress and stop the exam and ask their patient how they are feeling. During my last labor a nurse came in to check me and I was mid contraction with my eyes closed and she stuck her hand in me. I sat up pulled her arm out and threw it away from me. I was appalled that she would just shove her hand into me without so much as a word. It literally makes me sick that medical professionals think this kind of thing is okay.