Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Aug
18
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“…We Don’t Like To See You In Pain.”
“We like for all our patients to get epidurals. We don’t like to see you in pain.” – OB to a mother while discussing her birth plan.
There are 46 comments to this post.
“…We’re not personally equipped to handle the stress. It’s easier on us to tether you to the bed, and ignore the cascade of interventions it kicks off.”
*insert doula here*
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Alyson Miers had this to say,
Aug 18, 2010 @ 3:54 pm (Quote)
Maternal mobility? Self-hypnosis for pain management? That’s crazy talk!
How about your patients who don’t respond well to anesthesia, Doc? How do you feel about seeing your patients shivering uncontrollably, queasy, and hypotensive?
How do you feel about seeing your patients in pain while recovering from major abdominal surgery, with or without clear medical indication from non-iatrogenic complications? What’s your practice’s C-section rate?
There’s more to childbirth than pain, Doc, and there are ways of managing pain that don’t involve a needle in the spine. Somethings tells me it’s not really your patients’ suffering that bugs you. I suspect what really makes you uncomfortable is their autonomy.
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Louise Reply:
August 18th, 2010 at 3:56 pm (Quote)
…I suspect what really makes you uncomfortable is their autonomy.
DING DING DING…WE HAVE A WINNER!! You nailed it Alyson. I’ve never seen a care provider so set on being in control of birth. As if…
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Susan Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 7:27 am (Quote)
Agreed! I don’t want an epidural, but couldn’t have one even if I did. I’m allergic to lidocaine (and I’m not having a needle put in my back without a local), and I have low blood pressure, so it would be a very bad idea.
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Alyson Miers Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 3:51 pm (Quote)
I do just fine with ‘caine drugs (I loooooves me some Novocaine at the dentist!) but I don’t care to find out whether I react well to an epidural. Childbirth just seems like a really, really bad time to find out the needle in the spine makes me shivery or queasy. I’d rather be upright and mobile during my labor, and being numb from the chest down would likely make that difficult, no?
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This mama was a childbirth ed student of mine. Based on other things I’d heard about this particular OB (both in person, as I’m also a doula and from others), I was not surprised at the comment. Incensed, but not surprised. The same OB told a client of mine (before she became my client) that she could try a natural birth if she wanted, “but the pain will always win out in the end.”
Quite frankly, I’m sure this doctor does a GREAT cesarean (or other surgery) but they have NO business near a laboring mama.
Getting all worked up just thinking about it.
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Alyson Miers Reply:
August 18th, 2010 at 4:09 pm (Quote)
Yeah, I’m sure the pain DOES win out in a mom who’s laboring flat on her back, full of Pit and dealing with a parade of people coming in to stick their fingers up her snatch and tell her she’s taking too long. But that’s not exactly what I call natural, either.
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So do you like to see your patients pass out cold? Because that’s what will happen the minute you get near me with that needle, so back off!
vasovagal syncope is nothing to play around with while in labor, I’m thinking…at least that’s what set me on my natural childbirth journey. I thought, no way I’m passing out while in labor, so I’d better figure something else out!
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OK, please don’t pelt me with your late-summer bumper crop of beefsteak tomatoes, but . . . is there any chance that this physician was well-intentioned and sincere? I care more that a doc honors a woman’s choice for natural childbirth even if s/he personally disagrees with it. Just trying to play fair here…
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Cmat Reply:
August 18th, 2010 at 5:06 pm (Quote)
I’ll save my beefsteak tomatoes.. afterall, I’ve been craving salsa.
They could have been well intentioned, but the comment is kind of discouraging. As always, its how you say something. Instead of “We like all our patients to get epidurals…” how about “Try to keep an open mind about an epidural. You may feel differently then than you do now. Meanwhile, have you decided on a child birth class? They usually go over non-medicated pain relief options in these classes.”
I guess I just don’t like the fact that the comment discourages mom and may make her feel that they don’t support or are not equipped to support an unmedicated birth.
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Louise Reply:
August 18th, 2010 at 5:43 pm (Quote)
No pelting here, Wendy! But, based on what I’ve experienced personally with this OB and heard from others, there’s absolutely NO chance that this was well-intentioned. This doctor wants calm, quiet compliant patients. I’ve seen them completely ignore a mama’s instructions of “no, don’t do that, I don’t want that!” as the doc was about to inject lidocaine into the perineum when the baby was crowining.
I’m sure there are other docs out there who mean well but don’t say it well, but this isn’t one of those cases.
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Jane Reply:
August 18th, 2010 at 5:59 pm (Quote)
For me, it’s the subtext.
“We like for all our patients to get epidurals.”
ie, ALL women should birth the same way.
ie, a “good” patient will get the epidural
ie, it makes it easier for the doctor
ie, the doctor will like her, and most women are attuned to relationships enough to want to work with the doctor, not realizing that the doctor is not willing to work with her.
“We don’t like to see you in pain.”
ie, we have your best interests in heart
ie, you can’t take it
ie, we will like you better if you take the epidural, and again, women are keyed to the relationship aspect and will try to meet in the middle, not realizing the doctor isn’t compromising anything in return.
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Wendy Reply:
August 21st, 2010 at 7:10 am (Quote)
Oh, I definitely believe the Irish proverb that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. But I’m not one to judge the subtext, especially since I wasn’t there. I also think that sometimes there’s a vast gully of difference between what a provider is saying and what we’re hearing…and vice versa, i.e. what we’re saying and what the provider is hearing. I attribute this gap to disparate philosophies on women, women’s bodies, and childbirth. When you’re a normal birth advocate, you’re literally trying to bridge a massive cultural divide. Ugh! I get too verbose in the early a.m. …
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Michelle had this to say,
Aug 18, 2010 @ 5:17 pm (Quote)
I guess for me it’s lightyeats better than the, “don’t be a hero, get the epidural early” from my doctor (unsolicited advice to boot) ::eyeroll::
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cmat Reply:
August 18th, 2010 at 5:43 pm (Quote)
Yeah, I’d say that at least this post is better than that. Or what my boss told me when she said “Get the epidural, honey. Don’t be a martyr to the pain. You’ll end up flipping off your husband and saying ‘You did this to me!’”
Its not really bad. Just discouraging.
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Louise Reply:
August 18th, 2010 at 5:50 pm (Quote)
You know, the bottom line is that we just want doctors to be HONEST. There are women out there, PERFECTLY good women, who are right for this physician. However, when there’s a pregnant women interested in natural birth, what that practice should say would be something along the lines of “you know, we don’t have many women who choose to deliver without pain meds. You should make sure to take a good childbirth ed class, make sure you have good labor support and possibly find a care provider who’s a little more familiar with women who labor naturally.” BUT, what that’s likely to do is send $$$ out the door, and we KNOW they’re not going to do that.
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Kayla Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 10:27 pm (Quote)
You hit the nail on the head!! I don’t visit this site tooo often. I don’t like how women here completely bash OB’s.. and a lot do, usually by being cynical, which to me comes off as arrogance. Anyways, you are right. For me, I don’t like pain. This physician would’ve been right for me. I cringe at the thought of pain, so I immediately signed up for the epidural. Women who labor naturally are my heroes, and I think those women are better suited with midwives or doctors who support natural labor. What the women on this site complain about is what the physicians are trained to do… c-sections, episiotomies, augmentation.. so if you don’t like it, avoid em! (which they do it seems like) Anyways, I don’t have a problem with any of it. I was induced, I had an epidural and an episiotomy and I loved my birth experience. I guess I was fortunate to have a good one. I’m not making excuses for doctors who really are horrible and say and do horrible things to their patients.. but it seems like a few have given all OB’s a horrible name, which just isn’t the case.
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Cynt Reply:
August 20th, 2010 at 9:33 am (Quote)
I would agree with you were not the laws generally so skewed toward the medical establishment, particularly in cases where the mother is not extremely low risk. But when people feel pushed into either skirting the law or dealing with people doing things to them that they don’t want, they have a right to complain.
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StaudtCJ Reply:
August 20th, 2010 at 11:42 am (Quote)
I see your perspective, but I wish to clarify something, at least from MY perspective. I don’t bash OBs. There are some great ones. I don’t bash c-sections, episiotomies, or augmentation. Sometimes they’re wanted or necessary. What I, and I would guess many others, dislike about the quotes on this site is that it shows a disrespect for women in general, and informed consent in the specific. If you had, needed, and/or wanted a c-section, episiotomy, forceps birth, epidural, twilight sleep, narcotics, planned re-sect, elective induction, or anything else, WONDERFUL. As long as you, the owner of the body being touched, cut, changed, manipulated, and/or medicated, agreed and consented to it, that is. When you are held down, spoken down to, treated like a child, forcibly cut in a non-emergency, denied pain relief, forced into pain relief, or have surgery performed because the doctor is bored/late/annoyed, then you feel battered. In my layman’s idea, I’d guess that three quarters plus of OBs, midwives, and other birth professionals are the “good ones”. It’s that other quarter or less that we gripe and complain about.
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Kayla Reply:
August 21st, 2010 at 7:06 am (Quote)
I agree 100%. It’s appalling to see some OB’s or other medical professionals completely disrespect the mother. It’s awful when an OB goes above and beyond a mother’s wishes to do something to her body without consent. THAT is wrong. But I guess to clarify my comment, the are some people on this site that completely bash OBs for doing their job.. c-sections, episiotomies, pain relief, etc, even when it doesn’t have to do with the nasty comment. There are a lot of women here who will never birth in a hospital and swear by homebirths. I respect that completely, but I won’t ever do that. I have no desire to ever ever birth naturally. Those women either have been done wrong by an OB, nurse, etc.. or know someone who has, and have this mindset that OB’s & hospitals are horrible. My experience was the opposite, and I guess from being on this site, I can be lucky & grateful that I had a good OB, because there are some really nasty ones out there. Sorry if my comment came off wrong 
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Sara Reply:
September 25th, 2010 at 2:00 pm (Quote)
I was never completely “done wrong” by an ob I just think that having a safe natural birth is the best thing for my child and my body. Interventions just lead to more interventions and I am not willing to have my body cut open just because they were going by the book and my body didn’t react accordingly or I had been laboring for too long.
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How often is the OB going to *see* the mom while she’s laboring anyway, especially if s/he isn’t going to stay in the hospital for the duration of labor?
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Mom of One had this to say,
Aug 18, 2010 @ 8:39 pm (Quote)
Ummm…don’t look then 
I am sure you won’t be around much anyway!
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I’m with the “I don’t think this is so bad” camp. I think, more than anything else, these types of comments show that moms need to be proactive in choosing their care provider based on the birth experience they’re looking for. No one way is right for everyone.
I had an epidural with my son and it was one of the best childbirth decisions I made FOR ME (it’s definitely not for everyone!).
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Heather P Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 9:01 am (Quote)
The difference is that while it may have been the best choice for you. It does not mean that it is the best choice for everyone. This doctor wants everyone to have one.
I’ve given birth twice and never felt like I needed one. The nurses during my first birth were astounded that simple things like water and deep breathing/relaxation actually worked and I was not in a lot of pain. Now, I’m not saying that this would work for every labor since every labor is different. But that’s exactly the point, no mother labors exactly the same as another.
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Brittany U. had this to say,
Aug 19, 2010 @ 11:50 am (Quote)
Becky, you took the words right out of my mouth. I’ve been at births where the OB doesn’t show up until after the baby has arrived (18 hours in the hospital) so what does it matter if the doctor does want to see the client in pain? Besides, how many OBs actually remember every birth they attend? And for that matter, nurses, too (and they actually spend a lot more time with the laboring woman). I’m not saying that you’re forgotten as soon as you leave the hospital but even the great doctors and nurses see so many women that details like who is in pain and who isn’t tend to blur. What’s more likely to stick is seeing a natural mother laboring NATURALLY, i.e. swaying, squatting, using water, etc. If you want to make a lasting impression where “all women get epidurals” go natural and prove that birth can be gentle and pain free without interventions. And there’s the always popular “I’m sorry you don’t respect or support my decision to have a natural birth. Thank you for the care you’ve provided me during my pregnancy, but I think it’s time to break up. I’ll find someone who is better for me and I’m sure you’ll find someone else that fits your practice perfectly in no time at all.” I was one of those women who changed doctors at 36 weeks when it became apparent that my doctor and I weren’t on the same page. It sounds like this doctor isn’t even in the same book as the OP. I think some doctors forget that they are hired and can be fired. They’re being paid quite a bit to be “inconvenienced” by a woman who is having the labor and birth she wants. We have some doctors like this around here and they don’t have a problem saying “I prefer doing major interventions and it doesn’t sound like my preferences are what you want. I promise it won’t hurt my feelings if you feel the need to find a case provider who will help you achieve the birth you want. Best of luck.” Now if only all doctors could be so grown up, professional and honest things would go much more smoothly for everyone.
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…So we just let you have all your pain at home afterward, where we can’t see it.
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CCindy Reply:
August 20th, 2010 at 9:32 am (Quote)
Very good! I’m thinking that he picked the wrong specialty if women in pain bother him. Might be time to drop the OB and just go withthe Gyn. All those mastectomies, hysterectomies,… those are painless right??? Okay paps and pills only. All patients postive for cancer get referrals. Doctor doesn’t like pain.
What happend to the respect for the mom who is willing to “take one for the team” (endure the pain) to keep her baby drug free?
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“Fortunately, my birth is not about what YOU like. It’s about what I like. Your feelings about my pain are an opinion, not a medical problem to be solved.”
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Laura Reply:
August 18th, 2010 at 4:01 pm Laura(Quote)
THIS. Civil, and to the point.
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