Dear Nurse:
I bet you thought that was reassuring to the mom, but in reality you said she’s flawed and defective. How about reassuring the mom differently next time: “Oh, don’t feel bad. Most inductions fail. The doctors just like to control birth and they can’t do it right. It’s not your fault.”
Love,
Everyone

Or how about Ms. Nurse saying, “Most doctors make a deadline and then the induction fails because your body is just not ready have the baby yet. I’m sure you would have been fine had we all waited until your body was actually ready to give birth.”

Actually…. Im a WOMAN, I AM made to birth babies, thats what my body is designed to do!

No Ms Nurse.. I think the fatal flaw is that PITOCIN isn’t made to birth babies. let Mom’s body do her job and though it might take a while, that baby will come out!

OP- you are made to birth babies. I hope you realize that the nurse’s words are nonsense.

“Aww, thanks for your kind words, Nurse Ratchet!”

Interesting that she says “birth.” To some women, birth is birth, regardless of how the baby comes out. To the others, a c-section is not a birth, and instills in them a sense of failure. Guess we know what this nurse thinks.

I had to face the fact that in my situation, having a c-section was the best thing at the time. But geez….The best explanation of this, that was dealt with humanely and with dignity and respect, was the midwife telling the patient – after they had tried everything – that it was like a key fitting in a lock. SOmetimes you try it and it works, and sometimes, it doesn’t. Wish I could find that post.

I usually don’t comment here, but this one hit a bit of a nerve with me. This is just about the most awful, hurtful thing the nurse could have said. I don’t know the circumstances of the OP’s induction, but for me, just needing to be induced at all made me feel like my body had failed. That there was some medical indication for the induction actually made that feeling worse (my body had failed to keep my baby safe and birth him before he started to have problems on the inside). Hearing words like these during a c-section would have been devastating.

Nurse, please consider how this sounds to the woman hearing it and find something else to say. And if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all!

I’d like to ask the sponsors of the site a direct question:

Since the only outbound link on the entire site is to The Birth Survey, and since this site is run by self-described birth professionals, it seems very possible that this site is an anonymous smear campaign sponsored by the Coalition to Improve Maternity Care (CIMS), the same organization that sponsors The Birth Survey.

I can’t imagine why the owners of this site would be hiding their identity unless it were because it would be professionally embarrassing to engage in such behavior publicly.

The best place to start in figuring out who is responsible for this site is to ask the owners, so I’m asking:

Is CIMS funding this site? If not, who owns and runs this site?

It seems rather ironic that the same people who demand “transparency” in maternity care are hiding their identities when discussing maternity care.

Dr. Amy –
Are you sad that you can’t personally attack and belittle the individuals behind this website?

This blog has been a great forum for women to share the painful (and on Thursdays the positive) things they have been subjected to – instead of looking at this as a “smear campaign”, I wish care providers would see it as a place to learn what things women find upsetting (or ignorant or insensitive.)

Too bad you are not practicing anymore – then your clients could complete the Birth Survey and sing your praises – unless you care for patients in the same way as you write – attack, attack, attack.

Amy,

You want to talk embarrassing behaviour? The midwives and OB’s in my city think you’re a great big joke, and are embarrassed that you continue to associate yourself with their profession.

Honestly, I don’t think most of us care who runs the site. I come here for a good laugh, sometimes I share the more stupid ones with my husband. It’s cathartic to share a bad experience with others who have been in similar situations. It’s nice to know that you aren’t alone in being treated poorly. Is that to say we think all OB’s are SOB’s? No, not at all. I know a lot of OB’s and midwives who are great. If I’ve learned anything from this site, it’s to screen my HCP thoroughly.

Go spread your bile elsewhere. You’re an unwelcome contributor to this site and your sarcasm, bitterness, disdain and general nastiness to anyone with an opinion different from yours is not welcome here.

*sprinkles holy water*

I banish thee I banish thee I banish thee

*crosses fingers and hopes it works*

Regarding the OP.

Why, OH WHY can’t some of these people use some tact? This is my biggest issue with people in general, and this profession in specific. During a highly emotional time, at a highly emotional situation, in a highly emotional person, why is it so hard to think before you speak?

True.. There are actual, factual cases of a woman not being “made” for birth. Maybe this woman wasn’t made to birth babies. Maybe her pelvis would just not have handled it. Maybe the baby was in such a position that it just never would have worked… Does it really matter, there at that moment? Is it not something that could be discussed at future postpartum visits?

Mama is already stressed, exhausted and emotional…do you really need to add guilt of a “faulty body” on top of all of that? Shake your fricken head.

How about-
“I’m sorry this didn’t work out how you were expecting, but in a few short minutes you’re going to be meeting your sweet baby, let’s focus on that right now. Do you have any names picked out?”

GAH…It should be required for professionals placed in highly emotional situations like this to take a course in “relationships 101″ and “Tact; how NOT to speak to your patients.”

Ignoring Amy, ignoring Amy, trying to have a relaxing Saturday, and my engaging Amy would do nothing but demonstrate my sarcasm and profanity skills.

Anyway. Regarding the OP. To the extent that any mammal species is “designed” or “made” to do anything, human women are just as capable of giving birth. We are descended from approx. 100,000 years’ worth of women who managed to give birth to healthy children, and overwhelmingly lived long enough to do it more than once each, before there was any such thing as modern obstetrics. The genes that allowed those women to keep the human population not only stable but actually growing long before there were any doctors to protect us from our own bodies’ inadequacies are also in us, and we are also better nourished, more protected from communicable diseases, and generally more in control of our fertility and quality of life than our ancestors.

However, our ancestors developed the ability to have successful vaginal births under certain conditions. They let labor begin on its own time, they got up out of bed, moved around and changed positions as needed, let the water break on its own time, didn’t numb and paralyze themselves with drugs that also caused shivering, nausea and low blood pressure, didn’t stress out their uteri and emerging offspring with drugs that made their contractions longer and closer together, and they generally accepted that labor will take as long as it takes and that babies will eventually come out.

They did NOT pass on to us the genes to have successful births on an artificial timeline, lying on our backs, while pumped full of narcotic painkillers and synthetic hormones and tethered to the machine that goes Ping!, denied sustenance and forced to pee and poop in bedpans (at best), with the water broken prematurely and only sporadic labor support.

We’re certainly not made to birth babies like THAT. It call it the Crap In, Crap Out factor. If you’re laboring under crap conditions (in this case, induction), there is a much greater likelihood of a crap outcome (here, c-section).

This quote just makes me sad. What a painful thing to hear. I didn’t have it said to me, but it was more or less implied. And it just sucks.

{{{Hugs}}} to OP and all the women out there who have heard cruel BS like this when they are at such an emotionally tender place in their life.

This quote actually made me respond with rage. I’d have told her to go find a new job, because clearly she wasn’t made to care for anyone’s ‘health.’ Assuming I could articulate anything more than four letters long.

I felt like a broken failure after my cesarean. I was actually considering getting the word “FAILURE” tattooed over my scar when I seemed to be suffering from the inability to maintain a pregnancy afterward. This is the most heartless, inhuman thing I think that nurse could have said.

This comment hits close to home for me too and I feel ever so sympathetic to the mother who posted. I was told all my life I needed to see a specialist before I attempted to have children due to my specific medical problems. And while I was able to have 2 natural vaginal births I am unable to have anymore pregnancies. I know in this sin cursed world it is not my fault I can’t have anymore kids and that its not my fault my body isn’t ‘made’ for pregnancy, but its very painful whenever anyone says it to me. I truly hope that the op goes on to have as many natural children, birthed however she desires, as she wants!

(OP, sorry that Dr. Quacketey-Quack picked your post to poop on.)

But about your experience, as others have posted, the likelihood that her disparaging pronouncement had any basis in fact is slim. Yes, it sometimes happens that moms have specific physical difficulties that make it difficult, and for a rare few, physically impossible to birth a child through their vaginas. It happens. But those are limited to specific cases with specific causes. And some women who have difficulty with one birth go on to have trouble-free vaginal births later, or vice-versa. The bare fact that you had an induction that didn’t “take” says nothing about the capabilities of your body. In fact, your body just did a wonderful thing. It grew a HUMAN BEING. It did a great job of it. That’s not easy stuff. And more than likely, your body CAN birth babies. It is possible that it might need a little help from a person with birthing skills, or it may need nothing more than rest, peace, and patient support. I hope you get the chance to prove that to yourself (or that you already have!). I’m sorry this nurse hurt you.

I think in reality she was scrounging for a reason to validate the necessity of the cut on your belly–trying to rewrite the past so that the medical staff would be in the right to have cut you open. Sort of like the doctor telling my friend that the c-section was necessary because the baby came out with the cord wrapped around his neck. You know, like 1/3 to 1/4 of all babies do. But somehow her c-section was valid because AFTER THE FACT the doctor saw the cord. My friend still buys it: “My baby would have died!” Balls. The doc gave her too much pit (and why’d she need any in the first place?), the monitor showed a few decels, then an “emergency” surgery. The cord bit was just an excuse for bad “crystal ball” doctoring.

In the second place, how does “well, it probably didn’t work because you’re broken anyhow” help a woman? The statement in itself is somewhere between “sketchy” and “demonstrably false.” But even if it were true, how is that helpful or appropriate? It’s certainly not comforting! That’s putting blame on a woman and telling her she should be happy with what she got ’cause she’s broken anyhow, and she’s lucky they were able to salvage what they did out of the debacle. Where’s the factual information? Where’s the sensitivity to timing? Nurse: next time, acknowledge and validate her feelings. Commiserate with her just a little. Then encourage her to think about the good thing that just happened: her baby is outside and eminently huggable! Go get that baby from the peds team and bring him/her to mom! Don’t chime in when you have no clue what you’re talking about. You’re a medical professional. If you have facts to give her, give her those. Be clear, but encouraging. And for heaven’s sake, pick a good time. Don’t make ridiculous blanket statements. Remember, better to be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove any doubts.

People say stupid things like this all the time. OP, this ranks up there with comments like “well, she’s better off now” (to someone mourning a loved one’s death), or “it’s all for the best,” etc. etc. How can you know? And how is that helpful? And how is that relevant to me, now, in my grief/pain/anguish? Yeah. She wasn’t being a medical professional giving a learned opinion based on the facts of the case. She was being a (probably) well-intentioned idiot.

OP, I’m so sorry you were treated this way after the birth of your baby.

“YOU just weren’t made to birth babies?!?!?”
More like, “Docs just weren’t made to birth babies. So sorry one of them screwed up your birth.”

Wow! My friend just gave birth and was induced. After 30 plus hours of induction and she was only one cm her OB sent her home! He knew how bad she wanted a natural birth and actually said he didn’t want to keep giving her pitocin out of fear she would end up a c section! She went home and rested that night, the night her water broke and she had her baby girl naturally with no drugs!!! He wouldnt even talk c section! He ordered an u/s before sending her home, baby and mommy were both good so no need to worry. he also complimented her after delivery and said how proud he was and that her birth was exactly how a birth should be! He was great every step of the way!

I know a NICU nurse, when I asked her why the c-section rate was so high, She said “sh!t happens” She didn’t blame anybody. Didn’t blame the mom’s, didn’t blame the doctors. Really she didn’t deal with the issues. But she isn’t L&D, she is NICU. She only sees the results.