Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Aug
9
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“…You Should Just Stop Reading…”
“I never had anyone ask me that. You should just stop reading and start enjoying being pregnant.” OB said to mom at 36 week prenatal visit when asked about different pushing techniques.
There are 26 comments to this post.
Implication: You are a substandard mom because you’re not enjoying your pregnancy, only learning about it.
Other implication: Mom needs a different doctor because this one was flustered by a straightforward question and chose to insult her rather than educating himself.
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A lot of posts seem to be rooted in the fact that many doctors want patients to be 1) uninformed, 2) compliant, and 3) blindly trusting. This is in sharp contrast to EVERYTHING we are being told by consumer guides who are urging people to become informed partners in their health care, to ask questions, and to “double check” things like medications given, hand washing, and so on. Is it just obstetrics that is like this? Certainly seems to be the specialization that is most opposed to the informed consumer partner.
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Karen Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 9:42 am (Quote)
Is it just obstetrics?
Heck no.
There are doctors across all specialties who prefer patients who ask no questions and just do what they are told, like the surgeon who responded to a question my mother asked the day after her mastectomy, “We tell our patients what we think they need to know.”
By the same token there are doctors across all specialties that want informed patients who are active participants in their care. For example I had an OB who was disappointed when I had no questions. He WANTED me to ask questions and discuss.
It’s or job as consumers to seek out and give our business to the latter.
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Heather Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 12:45 pm (Quote)
It’s not even just doctors! You can pick just about any area of life, and, if you start asking questions and doing research, you’ll find that the mainstream way to do things is NOT the best way for individuals or families. But there is certainly some powerful person, group of people, or corporation that benefits. Tyranny requires uninformed sheeple. Information, ultimately, benefits freedom.
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Jane Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 9:58 am (Quote)
When we had the unfortunate need to speak to an oncologist, the first doctor held onto whatever sparse information he had gleaned from medical school back in 1964, never having read nor written a journal article since then.
Our second opinion doctor was out of network, but at the first appointment gave a detailed explanation for what he wanted to do, gave statistics about recovery rates and side effect rates, and then handed a stack of photocopied journal articles across the desk, three inches thick, and said, “This is why I feel my recommendation is the best course of action.”
Guess which doctor we chose, even if it meant going bankrupt? (Note: it didn’t. Somehow it all got paid.)
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Dear Doctor Power Trip:
Just because a woman is reading does not mean she isn’t enjoying her pregnancy. I enjoyed all of my pregnancies, sure sometimes I got leg cramps, or heartburn, or felt overwhelmed, but I enjoyed them. I also checked out the entire section of my public library on pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. And I read every book I checked out.
I’ve enjoyed reading ever since I was… well shoot I can’t remember because my parents started reading to me before I was born, and I learned to read to myself at age 4. I spent my entire childhood reading anything that looked interesting from the encyclopedia to “Encyclopedia Brown.” What is so special about pregnancy that it would suddenly make me want to stop reading?!
Most people like to be informed about things that are happening (see: Viewer ratings for news shows on TV/Sales of news and current events publications) or are going to be happening to them very soon. Mister Rogers knew this. He sang a poignant and beautiful song about it called “I Like to be Told” and while it was specifically directed to calm the fears and insecurities of childhood, it still speaks to every adult who is facing uncertainty or uncharted territory.
Guess what doc? People who read, and people who like to know something about what they may be experiencing through an upcoming event are going to ask questions. Insulting their intelligence by being intentionally obtuse reflects poorly on you both as a medical professional and as a human being.
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Elizabeth Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 2:01 pm (Quote)
I think I’m enjoying pregnancy *more* because I’m reading. I don’t have to flip out at every little ache or pain. I just think back to my books, remember there are quite a few things that are totally normal and I can relax. I could have easily freaked out that I only had mild morning sickness thinking there was something wrong with my baby, I could have thought I was getting appendicitis when my belly button got sore, ect.
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This was mine, too. This is the doc who commented on my “tight pelvic girdle.”
Just because a woman asks questions does not mean she is worried, or not enjoying herself. I loved being pregnant!
And even if a woman is worried, does not mean she is necessarily being irrational.
When I heard the words come out of his mouth, I was pretty irked, but I just thought he was uncomfortable with the fact that he really knew nothing about pushing. He said that it was something to discuss with the nurses.
I should have taken it as a big flashing sign.
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Hey, I went into labor at 38 weeks. I plan on asking those kinds of questions around 34-36 weeks this time around! It never occured to me to ask last time and I ended up in the dead cockroach position!
And Lucha- Heather has a point. There are lots of things that I look back on and wish I would have saw the signs, but I didn’t. Now I think to myself that at least I can apply the knowledge this time!
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Becky Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 7:38 am (Quote)
Dead cockroach position? ROFL!!!
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Mama Mirage Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 8:55 am (Quote)
I know, that cracks me up too every time someone says it! Lol! It’s even funnier because that’s exactly how I was describing it with my sister after her first son’s birth. I was married to a military man stationed at Pearl Harbor and living in base housing- full of cockroaches. So everything was about roaches for me at that point in life. You know, let’s roach-proof the cereal by putting it in ziplock bags so now forever more that will be roach-proofing even though where I now live there are no roaches. So when I was discussing my sister’s birth experience with her and she expressed upset over having been made to push on her back with her feet in stirrups I responded in aqgreement that I’m sure pushing on her back like a dead cockroach was contrary to the natural gravitational flow of things! So now whenever someone on here calls it the dead-cockroach position I laugh so hard (not only because it’s funny in and of itself, but because of that everything-cockroach phase in my life) I start having contractions and the baby in my uterus wakes up and starts kickcing me as if to say, “Hey! Some of us were trying to SLEEP!”
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qtberryhead had this to say,
Aug 9, 2010 @ 11:12 am (Quote)
The OB had never had anyone ask them that…
Good job Lucha on being one of his brightest patients!!
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I hope this doesn’t sound too hyperbolic, but this doctor’s behavior seems like a smaller scale version of historical efforts to ensure the continuing oppression of marginalized populations–e.g. how slaves in America were to remain illiterate, lest they start thinking and questioning their status, or how girls under the Taliban were forbidden entrance into schools. I know, I know, it’s not a fair comparison. We’re all most likely middle-upper class North American women and not NEARLY as oppressed. But something more subtle is at play here. Those in power (doctors in this case) can harbor resentment when those they control(women in this case) start thinking for themselves. Hence the paternalism: “There, there, dearie. Let’s not poison that pretty little head with book-learning.” Lucha, he was probably uncomfortable not so much with his ignorance as with your knowledge. 
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Add Your Comment.
Maybe I enjoy reading. Besides what is so threatening about different pushing techniques? My guess would be that the doctor only knows one maybe two and doesn’t want to look uneducated. Then again I know nothing about pushing techinques, and would go with whatever feels right at the time. He has never pushed out a baby only watched. If it is a she, she might have had a c-section, been completely numb or not given birth yet. If you want a good answer ask a person how knows. Doctors are trained to spot medical problem. I don’t think they labor sit enough to know best methods for natural child birth. Ask a doula.
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Brittney Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 5:53 am Brittney(Quote)
I knew it was time to switch to the office CNM when I went in for my 20 week U/S and was seen by a very pregnant OB. When I asked her questions about her baby (you know, female bonding, lol) she stated, it was a girl, her first, she and her hubby were very excited, and oh, she was scheduled for her c-section in 2 weeks. I asked why, is everything okay, she said, oh, yeah, I just don’t want to cause damage to my pelvic floor, you should look into it!
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CCindy Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 6:08 am CCindy(Quote)
Whoa, well now you know how the next generation of doctors are being trained to think about birth! Guarenteed damaged to your abdominal wall vs. potential damage to your pelvic floor. And Mrs. Dr. will pick guarenteed damage for 100. ding ding ding (no comment on having her nanny in place on a specific date or a specific date to return to work so she can be back to scheduling other women’s surgeries without interruption. Time is money people! Arrrgh!)
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Elizabeth Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 8:37 am Elizabeth(Quote)
Wow. I’d take a damaged pelvic floor over a c-section ‘hangover’. At least then I can still hope to someday wear a bikini again!
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Cmat Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 10:38 am Cmat(Quote)
I’d take a damaged pelvic floor any day. I’ve heard women say they have tons of problems not only recovering immediately, but trying to get back into shape too.
What’s wrong with just letting the body do what it naturally does.. if it isn’t broken, don’t “fix” it.
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Brittney Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 3:48 pm Brittney(Quote)
Wait a minute. According to the ACOG, the female body IS broken. We were not designed properly, therefore, nothing that our body does naturally is normal. Didn’t you know that?
*gag*
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Cmat Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 6:52 pm Cmat(Quote)
Ohhhh riiight.
Help me Doc, PLEASE!!!!!!! Help me by leaving.
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Susan Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 5:35 am Susan(Quote)
I thought most of the strain on the pelvic floor was from the pregnancy itself, and of course it’s no guarantee whether you’ll have persisting pelvic floor problems with whatever kind of birth you have. I’d certainly choose pelvic floor problems over abdominal surgery, though. Especially given my random allergies to things (with my knee surgery, I had an allergic reaction to the steri-strips used to close the incision).
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