Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Aug
4
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“…You Just Have To Have A Miscarriage Every Time You Want To Have A Successful Pregnancy!”
“Well maybe you just have to have a miscarriage every time you want to have a successful pregnancy!” -Mother who had had a miscarriage, a birth, a miscarriage and was now pregnant for the fourth time.
There are 24 comments to this post.
The OB who did my D&C for my miscarriage said something similar to me. She said that statistically a woman will have a miscarriage for every two viable pregnancies. But the way she said it sounded nicer than I’m making it sound. She was very empathetic and nice about it.
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Heather P Reply:
August 4th, 2010 at 4:16 pm (Quote)
I wasn’t trying to defend this comment. People really need to be careful about what they say to a grieving mother.
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Elizabeth Reply:
August 4th, 2010 at 5:40 pm (Quote)
I *think* the big statistic is 50% of fertilized eggs never survive to birth. Many don’t start dividing like they’re supposed to, some don’t implant, some stop growing before a woman even misses her period. A good portion of the time the woman doesn’t even know she had a miscarriage because either her period isn’t late or its only slightly late.
Of course now they have tests that can detect even the tiniest amounts of pregnancy hormones up to 6 days before a woman’s period is even due. While that’s great for people who need to discontinue a medication immediately or start on progesterone supplements it brings a lot of heartache to women who lost babies they wouldn’t have otherwise even known about.
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adrienne Reply:
August 4th, 2010 at 6:20 pm (Quote)
I’ve heard that 50% of fertilized eggs never establish a pregnancy. as in, not even counting actual miscarriages the woman knows about. but I think it was someone’s guess and not very scientific. I can’t imagine how on earth they would even begin to try to come up with that statistic. I’m at 100% for fertilized eggs surviving. as an NFP user, I know when pregnancy is even possible, and every time we’ve had sex then, we’ve gotten a baby. I know this doesn’t prove anything, but I still think there are probably not any real numbers out there about this.
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Knitted in the Womb Reply:
August 5th, 2010 at 2:42 pm (Quote)
Same here adrienne…I’m a NFP user who KNOWS I have gotten pregnant every time I’ve been fertile and had unprotected sex…and a few times I was “protected” as well–LOL. I’ve had one early miscarriage, and 5 live births.
I think the numbers get tossed around so often they have become “true because they have been stated so frequently.”
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Alyson Miers Reply:
August 4th, 2010 at 6:23 pm (Quote)
I hear it’s more like 80% of fertilized eggs don’t even implant. (I’m not sure how they calculate that number, I’ve just heard the statistic from some biologists.) Then a smaller percentage of established pregnancies (40%?) don’t make it to viability.
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egghead Reply:
August 5th, 2010 at 9:13 am (Quote)
Didn’t that other study say 12-15% of pregnancies end in miscarriage (the one that said there might be a link between obesity and miscarraige) and another one said 25% of women experience miscarriage during their life? That is not 50% of pregnancies. That is 25% of women during their child bearing years. So if the average woman has 2 pregnancies that is 1 miscarriage and 7 live babies (ignoring still births)for every 4 women. 25% of women. THAT is how the math works out. I’m not even gong to discuss fertilized eggs, because you have to either be doing IVF or taking a preganacy test before you miss your period to know the details on fertilized eggs with enough certainly to even think about including those kinds of numbers in any study. Therefore you are not dealing with an average population, but a population that has a reason to be tracking things that closely. There for you can’t apply the results of said study to the average population. How many of these statistics can’t be applied to the general population because the study was of a high risk group. Think about it.
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This was the pattern that a friend of mine had. Miscarriage, birth, miscarriage, birth. Then she had 2 miscarriages in a row. The Dr.’s told her that this was normal and that there must have just been something wrong with the baby. Normal my foot! She even knows 4 miscarriages is NOT the average. Why can’t Dr.’s be a little more sensitive. To the woman- this is not simply an “un-viable fetus” but a child that they have lost. get a clue, and take a class in tact if you are going to be dealing with women during pregnancy!
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Kit Reply:
August 5th, 2010 at 3:05 pm (Quote)
A friend of the family (who i call my aunt) had nine miscarriages before she and her husband gave up and adopted two kids.
Less than a year after adopting they had a sucessful pregnancy, and after that at least two more. (Not sure how many, they have eleven kids, but some are adopted, some aren’t and god help me if I know which are which.)
Her doctor when she had her first live birth started crying looking at the baby and through sobs told Auntie that he had alwasy prayed that someday he would be handing her a beautiful healthy baby. (her OB was also her GP)
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Anyone who has had more than two miscarriages should push for testing for Antiphospholipid Syndrome (APS or Hughes if you can’t remember that) even if you’ve had a successful pregnancy, despite what your HCP will say!
We cause 10% of miscarriages (contrary to popular belief, a high % of miscarriages are explainable) so the more you have the greater your risk of having it. It’s so simple to treat too. I think every pregnant woman should have the test for it.
And yes, stupid person making such a nasty comment!
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One of my girl friends had a couple miscarriages before a successful pregnancy, and she did a LOT of research into possible causes. At first she was trying to blame herself, but she ended up very informed, and a lot less self hating.
OP I am so sorry for your losses. One healthy baby does not make up for the loss of others, but I hope you find joy with this child.
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We’ll that’s been my track record! I don’t think the care provider (ob, dr, midwife?) intentionally meant to be offensive or hurtful by that. BUT- doesn’t mean it should be counted as a statistic or should a mother be told this.. I’ve been through a lot of tragedy – father killed, mother gave me up, rape and abuse (all before age 20), but my first miscarriage was by far the deepest emotional pain I’ve ever experienced. (father came close, I was only 12 when he died, so I was at a different place in my life)… The miscarriage almost wrecked my marriage, and I didn’t want to get out of bed for literally 3 months. I quit my job and didn’t talk to anybody. A miscarriage should NOT be taken lightly, and doctors aka CARE providers, need to learn more compassion and sympathy towards grieving mothers. Sorry to the OP, this was obviously hurtful to her. 
Hopefully you delivered a beautiful child w/ that 4th pregnancy.
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My pattern so far has been live birth, miscarriage, live birth, miscarriage, live birth. I’m terrified that my next pregnancy will end in miscarriage because of this pattern. If anybody had said something like the above to me, I would have slapped them. Hard.
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My husband has said this to me, but I have a dark sense of humor and he knows it. I had the same pattern. Four pregnancies, two live births.
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
August 5th, 2010 at 3:00 pm (Quote)
That’s the rule we follow – my husband and I both have dark, morbid, sarcastic senses of humour, and we are aware that people tend to either love or hate that sort of thing, and that often cracking jokes that we would find a good way to lighten a situation tends to offend other people who don’t share our perspective. So we try to follow other people’s leads if we don’t know them very well yet.
Apparently the professional quoted above has not learned that rule of thumb yet.
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch had this to say,
Aug 5, 2010 @ 3:02 pm (Quote)
Thanks for the sensitive, tactful, highly scientific and professional opinion, Doc.
Shut up.
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Add Your Comment.
….meh?
Who said this to the mother? Or was she saying it to someone else?
Because either way, that’s a really “All Aboard the FAIL Train” thing to say to a mom who’s had miscarriages.
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Jane Reply:
August 4th, 2010 at 4:26 pm Jane(Quote)
I wasn’t sure if it wasn’t the mother herself saying this, with that general “you” we tend to use in American English, like “You need to stop on a red light.”
Regardless, someone’s tragedy should not become someone else’s statistical curiosity.
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