Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Aug
2
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“Oh No, Trust Me, You Won’t Want To Be Out Of Control Like That.”
“Oh no, trust me, you won’t want to be out of control like that.” - OB in response to Mother’s request to attempt childbirth without epidural.
There are 46 comments to this post.
The Deranged Housewife had this to say,
Aug 2, 2010 @ 5:06 am (Quote)
Ummm…translation: “Oh, I won’t be able to control you without an epidural, so you’d better get one.”
I am just about ready to write a post on celebs who’ve “ditched the epidural,” so I’m guessing if there are a handful of rich and powerful women who can ‘lose control’ by not having one, then us peons can, too. 
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While I’ve not had an epidural, I definitely felt more in control when I didn’t have any meds during labour.
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In my experience, I was FAR more in control WITHOUT the epidural than with!!
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Partlysbabe Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 8:02 am (Quote)
I completely agree both times I had an Epi I felt out of control.. the last time felt great, all the way till the end…
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I too had much more control in my labors, and much more awareness of what my body needed/was doing when I didn’t have drugs. While I may not have looked “in control” when I was leaning over a table singing my birth song and moving my hips in a birthing dance, but I felt fine!
If someone chooses to have an epidural, I don’t denigrate their choice. I may mention that epidurals don’t always “take” or they can only give partial relief, so I encourage moms to practice some other forms of pain coping so they will not feel out of control *IF* the epidural isn’t as amazing and perfect as they had hoped.
Amazing how many people think a woman who chooses to birth without drugs is a free-for-all for rude comments, dismissal, or insinuations that she has a sexual deviance that causes her to enjoy pain (not bashing people who are into that, just recalling some odd comments I have heard).
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Liz Chalmers had this to say,
Aug 2, 2010 @ 7:47 am (Quote)
Reminds me of a guy who took my class a few months ago. Most of my clients are planning out of hospital births and the few hospital-birthers are usually hoping to go drug-free. I had one couple who joined a series at the second class. We watched Penny Simkin’s 3 R’s video–a great video that shows moms very actively coping with unmed labors. When the video ended, the guy said “So, let me get this straight, if my wife has an epidural, she won’t have to do ANY of that STUFF, right?” What I saw as moms coping beautifully, he saw as moms out of control and scary.
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Bonita Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 11:17 am (Quote)
That’s so sad. My dh just got to witness the birth of our son (my first homebirth, my first was a hospital birth with epidural) from across the globe and after seeing me deal with labor like I did unmedicated he never wants to see me stuck in bed with an epidural again. He saw the difference between the suffering I had in the hospital birth and the pain that I coped with in my natural birth.
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Out of control? I’ve never felt more powerful than when I birthed my babies without pain meds.
And people I tell that to call me a control freak.
Sooo… if I take the meds I’ll be more in control, but if I don’t want them I’m a control freak.
I think some people use conversations about womens birth choices as an opportunity to be condescending.
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Jane Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 9:57 am (Quote)
Because the issue was never the mom’s feelings to begin with. It’s an attempt to leverage the mom’s fears in order to achieve the doctor’s desired end (commonly called manipulation) and therefore there is no right answer.
It was never about control. If you say you were in control, they’ll tell you either that you’re trying to control too much or that you should have been out of control. And if you say you felt out of control they’ll say you should be in control. Not because they care one whit about control, but because they want you to take the bait and do something that’s not in your best interests.
I don’t even think it’s about condescension. I think it’s about ownership. Who owns your birth? Who’s in command? Who has the final say? This doctor believes it should be the doctor. The nurses believe it should be the hospital regulations. The mother should believe it should be the mother. (The baby does not, at this point, care.)
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Obviously, their idea of “being in control” is a quiet, lady-like patient. Hmmm, I think I’ll be in control by knowing what my body wants to do, and doing it, even if I have to “vocalize” in a louder than average voice and call it feminine. I tell people that the position you birth in is not lady-like but IS incredibly feminine.
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Ugh.
Reminds me of the “tour” at our hospital (a slide show followed by a talk about pain relief in labour (highly focused on the epidural) The anesthesiologist says numerous times how the epidural gives a mom “composure and control”. He also strongly believes the following quote “the most impressive effect (of epidural analgesia) is to bring TRANQUILITY and HUMANITY to the delivery suite as well as HAPPINESS and DIGNITY to a woman.” (Andrew Doughty, 1978) Sigh.
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Alyson Miers Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 10:28 am (Quote)
I think I feel a lot more tranquil and dignified when I’m not trembling or nauseated. Nice try, though, Doc.
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Jane Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 11:47 am (Quote)
You hear how they’re playing on a new mom’s fears, though. She’s afraid she’ll be undignified, out of control, in terrible pain, and look weak in front of her husband or partner. The anesthesiologist is actively selling her a service that answers all these fears (even if the reality is much different.)
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CNicole Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 12:42 pm (Quote)
Exactly. He also misleads them by saying they’ll be able to walk around (and even shows a picture of a mom walking with her husband with a sign that says 7cm). It does happen, occasionally, that moms can walk, but usually at most it is a trip to the bathroom. I have heard the nurses don’t like that the picture is still in the slideshow.
Also, it says that the pain of childbirth is inhumane (the “bringing back humanity” part).
He is very good at what he does (if I have a client who needs/wants an epidural, it is great if he is on duty) but his beliefs about them are a bit scary.
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
August 5th, 2010 at 3:06 pm (Quote)
It just occurred to me that I don’t fear being temporarily weak, vulnerable, out of control, etc in front of my husband – why would I marry someone I couldn’t trust to accept me even at my worst? I do fear being weak and out of control in front of strangers, such as hospital staff.
Another good reason to avoid the hospital unless it’s an emergency. An epidural won’t take away the basic vulnerability of birth. If a mother believes that it does, she’s been sold a line.
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Sarah Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 12:15 pm (Quote)
Yeeeeaaah. Having a tube in my urethra and being unable to move or support my own body weight was really dignified. I’m sure my aunt felt really tranquil when the anesthetic went too high and she panicked because she couldn’t feel herself breathing (she was, but her chest was numb so she couldn’t tell).
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Kit Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 4:46 pm (Quote)
Reminds me of the aneshesiologist(That isn’t spelled right, is it?) that did the meds for my friend’s c section. She had two unmedicated births before this, and at the hospital she birthed at, its policy for the guy to ask ach mother a few times during the birth if they would like some relief. She always told him no. (somehow the guy was at BOTH her previous births)
Well when the C section came up, he was in charge of keeping her “comfortable” because she wanted to be awake for the birth. (She also managed to convence her doc to not use the drapes so she could see everything a bit better) When the guy came into the room he gave her a grin and said “Miss [name]! I knew i’d get to stick it in you someday!” And she says he hesitated for a minute, turned bright red and said “wait, i didn’t mean that!” She says she nearly busted laughing.
Plus when her epidural was in and she was waiting for everything to start up, they chatted and he admitted that birth really scares him, that it seems like there’s so much pain associuated with it, and that he liked to think that he was doing a small part in making “women able to become moms with as little real pain as possible” I think even though he might be a little misguided, that’s kinda a nice approach.
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch had this to say,
Aug 2, 2010 @ 1:24 pm (Quote)
MWAH HAH HAH HAH!!!!!
Oh, that’s a good one. Of COURSE I don’t want to be out of control. I am the world’s worst control freak, I warn care providers (and, once upon a time, potential romantic partners) about that at first meeting.
That is why I don’t want an epidural, with the various safety precautions epidurals invariably come with, including pulse oximeter, urinary catheter, belt monitor (in my area I have yet to see telemetry offered), IV drip, etc hooking me to the bed and making me look like the Bride of Frankenstein in bondage for her wedding night. I would tolerate an epidural or spinal for an unplanned c-section for a valid medical reason. If I have to have another c-section again, I want to be awake enough to watch it, since I missed the last one. I hope you would be so kind as to provide me with a mirror, too. But that is a circumstance I would prefer to avoid, so I’m not going to dwell on it.
For a normal birth, since control is important to me, I would be INSANE to get an epidural. Screaming with pain is not a loss of self control, to me. Pain, for that matter, is not a loss of self control – it’s my body’s way of telling me that something hurts for some reason or another. To me, loss of control comes from a loss of autonomy.
I am in charge. Because I find back seat drivers (so to speak) annoying in certain real life situations, I prefer to avoid calling the shots from a vulnerable position myself, which is one reason why I prefer to avoid the hospital setting, a setting that is made to put patients under the control of caregivers (and in emergency situations, this is a good thing, but birth is not an emergency, as I’m sure we all know by now, right?) The other reason being that being in the setting of my own home, more or less alone and undisturbed, makes me feel like I am more in control.
Much more.
Capiche?
Now, let me attempt an English translation of your advice. I believe what you really mean to say is,
“Give birth without an epidural? Oh, no. That hurts. That will make you want to do things that freak out the nurses, such as hiding in the shower, spending your labour squatting on the toilet, screaming your head off, swearing, standing up and pacing back and forth on the bed without your belt monitor on, and meowing like a cat in heat. And then the nurses complain to me. We want you quiet, happy, lying on your back in bed to get a good continuous reading from the monitor, and watching Oprah so you don’t get bored or needy. That requires an epidural. We don’t want you out of control. We want to be able to keep you where we want you, with a minimum of fuss.”
Oh. My.
You’re funny, Doctor.
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Alyson Miers Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 4:39 pm (Quote)
Oprah? They expect us to watch fricking OPRAH while we go through labor? Come on, folks, at least give me a Law & Order marathon!
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Kit Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 4:51 pm (Quote)
A girl i know and I watched the entire anime series YuYuHakusho during her labor. It was a really long labor, but she seemed really calm about it. No drugs either, I think she just made up her mind that she was going to have a calm labor, and so she did. (The babydaddy continually was rubbing on her back… it was so cute, he swore his hands were gonna fall off, but everytime she told him to take a break he said “I’m fine, just a few more minutes…”)
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JulietsButterfly Reply:
August 4th, 2010 at 6:12 am (Quote)
All of YuYuHakusho? That’s a pretty long series! Sounds like it was fun though.
I was very upset when Mythbusters ended and I had to find something else to watch for the end of my labor.
I should suggest to them some myth busting of childbirth.
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Kat Reply:
August 4th, 2010 at 7:58 am (Quote)
I would SO watch that.
But only if it was based on “Obstetric Myths vs. Research Realities”
During one of my labors, I watched “The Princess Bride” until I felt ready to get in my birthing pool. Then I listened to techno music in the birthing pool. Then I took my newborn baby boy and went and cuddled up in my bed. 
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
August 4th, 2010 at 8:21 am (Quote)
I was hoping they’d use Kari Byron’s pregnancy as an opportunity to bust pregnancy and childbirth myths. I wonder how hers turned out?
I personally can’t imagine watching anything during my labours, but then, I’ve never had a natural labour that lasted long enough for me to settle into it – my pattern when left to my own devices, so far, is “uterus suddenly starts getting noticeable, water might have broken, suddenly you get one hour or so of nonstop screaming agony, and out comes the baby. Whee!” And at that point I’m not paying attention to anything except labour.
I think if I had a long, leisurely labour like so many other mothers seem to have, I’d watch a marathon of Battlestar Galactica. Or maybe Macross.
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decemberbaby Reply:
August 5th, 2010 at 2:49 pm (Quote)
During my recent labour, I watched the BBC Pride and Prejudice miniseries… well, maybe an episode and a half of it. When I moved into active labour, I suddenly found Mrs. Bennett and Lydia so irritating that I had to pause the DVD everytime a contraction came.
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Kit Reply:
August 4th, 2010 at 12:11 pm (Quote)
Four days of “watching” by her doctor. (She was nearly fully dialated, was having gentle contraction, but her water wouldn’t break)
When she started getting good contractions, still without water breaking, her doctor came in and asked her if he “could get her anything” meaning drugs.
She asked for a cheeseburger and curly fries. He apprently was amused and agreed, so long as she understood that should they need to do a c section, her stomach would be pumped, and that he wanted her to write down everything that went into her mouth and absolutely no alcohol.
So she munched her way through it quite nicely. She also informed the doc that she would “not get a c section” and he agreed that it was unlikely because she “Is a mean one, and the mean ones do fine.”
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
August 5th, 2010 at 3:08 pm (Quote)
A doctor I think I could actually come to an understanding with. 
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Linda Germany had this to say,
Aug 2, 2010 @ 6:24 pm (Quote)
In my own birthing experience I preferred the epi to the Demoral/ phenigrine mix they were giving me. I was out of my head talking about Larry the Cable Guy in the Walmart parking lot and cheeseburgers. ( i think i was hungry.) When i was given the epidural i “woke up” immediately and could do more than moan. I would have rather dealt with the pain myself but chose the lesser of two evils.
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Well, that’s just not possible. We need you to be an easily manipulated piece of meat so we can do what we like to you and the baby, which will probably end in a c/s even though it’s not in your birthing plan. Now sit there and be a good girl.
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Pah! My boss and her co-director worked on me from day one telling me “Just take the epidural dear. Its better if you’re not screaming at people and in pain.” Ooookay. I don’t remember once grabbing my husband by the neck and saying “YOU DID THIS TO ME!” like everyone thinks the unmedicated mommies would do.
Considering I had pitocin, yes I was loud, but I don’t think I did too bad. I even had a nurse comment “You two make a great team and coping beautifully right now.” Yes it hurt, but I’m happier knowing that I was aware of what was happening.
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Funny- the only time I felt “out of control” was when I got to the hospital and people started telling me what to do. Up until then I was in complete control. (other than yelling at my husband that I wasn’t going to get in the car because I could feel her head…but that was because I didn’t want to admit to him that labor had gone fast like he said it would..)
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JulietsButterfly had this to say,
Aug 4, 2010 @ 6:14 am (Quote)
Sounds like something I’d expect my mother to say. She’s always concerned with being as “proper” as possible and worrying about what others think. I had plenty of control without the epidural. Whatever dr.!
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I’ll still have control, the control to kick people out I don’t want seeing me naked in labor! Its not a pay-per-view event and if I go all out and moo like a cow on all fours then so be it. The nurses aren’t going to remember me, the doctor probably won’t be around for most of it, and my hubby and mom don’t give a hoot.
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I think this just goes to the idea the women should be docile and obliging. A woman sitting in bed with an epidural “looks” better than a woman who is working through her contractions naturally and not necessarily “prettily.” I am no docile woman, however, so the though of sitting quietly in a bed with an epidural goes against everything I am.
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Hmmm…I don’t want to be “out of control”, or YOU don’t want me to be out of your control?
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