Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Aug
1
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“Just Wait Till You See What They Do To You When You Have The Baby.”
“Just wait till you see what they do to you when you have the baby.” -Nurse to mother who questioned the numerous procedures that needed to be done at an early prenatal appointment.
There are 40 comments to this post.
The sad thing is, I can’t find anything incorrect with this statement. Everyone must bow down and worship The Process because The Process says we must. :-b
I like the hint of amusement in the nurse’s voice, as if the patient is heading through a car wash where once you start, you have to get the whole package: the rinse, suds, second rinse, wax sealer, undercarriage cleaning, and hot air dry. Don’t want it? Sorry, the conveyer belt is moving you along. Have a nice day. Oh, and here’s your baby, and that’s all that matters. Bye. >:-(
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beccaisadoula had this to say,
Aug 1, 2010 @ 4:39 am (Quote)
One word: RUN!!!
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Reminds me of that scene in Monty Python’s Meaning of Life where the girl is in the operating room to give birth and she asks “What should I do?”
And the ‘doctor’ replies “Nothing dear, you’re not *qualified*!!!”
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch had this to say,
Aug 1, 2010 @ 9:01 am (Quote)
And people wonder why I prefer to birth at home…
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Its no wonder that there is such a culture of fear about pregnancy and birthing in this country. Things are “done” to women. They are not empowered or encouraged to think about their own health. They must surrender their automomy completely and then be grateful when their baby is delivered to them. If something goes wrong its always the fault of the woman in someway.
This whole philosophy that something is done to women repulsive. After my first experience birthing under the “care” of an OB, I really can’t see how I had any other choice than to homebirth my subsequent babies. I wish every woman could know what I know and understand the difference between the ways of thinking. Not that everybody should choose what I have chosen, but that she “has” that choice.
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Cmat Reply:
August 1st, 2010 at 11:05 am (Quote)
Except that not every really has that choice. I’m one of those people. I can either give birth unassisted at home (really not something that sounds appealing) or I can go to the hospital and give birth with one of the two obs that are in the area. There are no midwives within an hour of me and since I am due in March and live somewhere where its still snowing at that point, driving an hour or more away or expecting a midwife to make it to me by then is a bit much. So I pretty much have to go to an OB and hope for the best. So far so good, the doctor seems to understand that he’d better not touch me unless I okay it. But just saying, the choices aren’t always there.
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Cara Reply:
August 1st, 2010 at 11:08 am (Quote)
My midwives were an hour plus away. They made it in time, all three times. In fact, with my first, it was snowing. And this is an area where it doesn’t snow much, and no one knows how to drive in it.
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Rachel Reply:
August 1st, 2010 at 12:02 pm (Quote)
there are traveling midwives. They’ll come and stay at your house for a couple weeks before your due date.
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
August 1st, 2010 at 3:43 pm (Quote)
Some also open their homes to mothers near their due dates and let them live with them until the baby arrives, if the length of travel is very long.
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Susan Reply:
August 1st, 2010 at 12:17 pm (Quote)
Or there are those who live in areas where a home birth is de facto banned because they won’t allow midwives to attend, and doctors won’t attend.
I hope your birth experience goes well. I do know I wouldn’t have a home birth if the midwife were far away, as I have fast labours. With my daughter we phoned the midwife at 2.30 (had been in labour for slightly over 2 hours), she arrived just after 3.00, and my daughter was born at 4.10. So I can understand not being comfortable with that. Hopefully your OB continues to respect your wishes.
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Caroline Reply:
August 1st, 2010 at 12:26 pm (Quote)
It’s great that it works out for some people, but not everyone is independently wealthy to fly a midwife in or can navigate in snow. The OP is right – it SUCKS that there aren’t enough middwives to go around.
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
August 1st, 2010 at 3:47 pm (Quote)
Whereas I prefer to have a far away midwife, because I tend to have fast labours and if I have my usual wham! bam! thank you ma’am! labour, it’ll be extremely uncomplicated as precipitous labours often are, and I’ll want her more for aftercare (stitching, making sure I haven’t lost too much blood, helping me get settled in with the baby, etc) than for birth support. If my labour is taking a very long time, long enough for her to get to my house even though I called her in hard labour a couple of hours ago (and I wouldn’t make the call until I was about at the screaming point) then obviously her expertise may be needed to help with some kind of weird situation, and I’ll be okay with that.
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Susan Reply:
August 1st, 2010 at 11:46 pm (Quote)
Hmm, hadn’t thought of that. The only reason I phoned when I did was because I was chatting with a friend in between contractions, and she told me I absolutely needed to phone the midwife then. I hit transition maybe 10-20 minutes (if that) after the midwife arrived, was pushing 10 minutes after that. LOL I’ve told my husband that if my labours keep getting shorter (first one was 12 hours, but stalled in hospital or would’ve been shorter; second was 4 hours – both of those are from the time of any contractions, not active labour), he might need to catch his child. 
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adrienne Reply:
August 1st, 2010 at 2:14 pm (Quote)
when I was due in march, my midwife lived 2 hours away….
it didn’t snow (but it did the following week!) and my water broke before contractions even started. she made it in PLENTY of time 
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Louise Reply:
August 1st, 2010 at 6:39 pm (Quote)
[Cmat] I felt the same way sort of – that I didn’t have a choice, except for my parents’ birth stories – GBS positive and midwives not being legislated here and being sent through the ob-gyn office [in the end for me, a BAD thing]. If the doc/OB really gives you a choice, GOOD 
. If s/he says s/he will then doesn’t [or at least patient rights and responsibilities say you get choice & information then you're not given it, really bad]. My husband has a friend who happened to be a midwife, but wasn’t with us as such & was wary about telling L&D people that she was one lest she be kicked out. 8-S I’d sooner have an ‘unassisted’ – ‘though I’d definitely want my husband and someone I trust for support – birth than go through that again.
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This is mine! We were fortunate enough to move half way across the country when I was 38 weeks pg to San Antonio TX… where we met the most amazing midwives who were just perfect, but this Dr. was ridiculous, insisting that I for sure would get an epidural, blah blah blah… the good news is we got the uninterviened perfect birth experience… now we’re just hoping we’ll get as lucky again, we’re moving in 2 weeks, and I’m due 4ish weeks after that… who knows LOL… THANKS USAF
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Ruth Reply:
August 1st, 2010 at 6:47 pm (Quote)
Do you mind sharing who you went with? I live in the San Antonio area. There seems to be only a sparse amount of information on midwives in the San Antonio area available online and i’m looking to start seeing a CNM for gynecological exams and to begin family-planning. I was with the Institute for Women’s Health, but I was unhappy with the way they handled my exam-anxiety and then a few months later, a suspected early pregnancy loss: I’m due for the routine exams soon and I don’t want to go back.
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Brige Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 6:36 am (Quote)
Okay, so I went to the San Antonio Birth Center, they are amazing, I think they are in the process of getting a CNM on staff (one of their apprentices is finishing up school sometime this year or early next), but they do well woman care and are incredibly sensitive to any issues you may have, I seriously… they were a life saver, and were pretty inexpensive (we paid cash but they have insurance options)email me if you have other questions I have a few doula refs too. brigegeary@hotmail.com
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I hate to say it but I know its true, and it drives me insane.
If you are going to have a hospital birth, then you should be prepared to be pushed into interventions. You do not have to like it, but unfortunately the way our system is set up, thats what happens and until we woman jump up and down more about it, it will keep happening.
It makes me crazy when healthy women who could happily birth at home choose to birth in a hospital then whine about all the poking and prodding. Its a hospital. Thats what they DO! If you go to a hospital of your own choice, dont get the shits when they want to poke and prod you! Granted it shouldnt be that way, but it is. Deal.
/rant
Sorry it drives me mad. Ive seen healthy women birth in my local with no intervention, but since we got a new head of department, the hospital is relatively low intervention (comparatively). But Its still a hospital. Their care patterns require them to make sure that every woman has the same screening, testing, checking to make sure they all have the same opportunities, are well informed, and are safe. Its a giant blanket I know, but its their job. If you dont want it and are likely to be accepted by a HB midi, dont go to a hospital. Thats the only way we can change this ridiculous “one size fits all” prenatal care plan.
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Serene Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 12:53 am (Quote)
sorry, i should have put “you should be prepared to have to fight not to be pushed into interventions”. That is what I see.
Its not going to change until we stop accepting a hospital as the normal place to birth a healthy baby with a healthy mum.
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Louise Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 4:46 am (Quote)
Uh, even if you’re ‘prepared’ for interventions, as a lay person, you’re not *totally* prepared [except for all the poking and prodding done beforehand] unless maybe you’ve been through it at least once before. It also depends on who/what your support person(s) trust more and how well they know and manage to combine your wishes and those interventions. [I think] all hospitals should have a patient advocate and well, if she’s good, then patients should make use of her [or him]. And, like comments above, there are those who feel they’ve got no choice in the matter for some reason or other. Knocking a woman for having [whether by choice or necessity] a hospital birth isn’t going to do anything but make her feel – no different from the ones who “complain” about all the poking and prodding after. If we women *didn’t* “complain” nothing would get done and we wouldn’t have open support.
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StaudtCJ Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 9:41 am (Quote)
It’s all very well and good to say “just don’t go to the hospital”, but there are some women that actually DO need to be there. There are some women who have insurance that dictates their choices. I’m very glad that you can pick and choose, but not everyone can. My options are and have consistently been Hospital A or birth unassisted at home. I was extremely lucky last time with a wonderful midwife at the only hospital I could go to, but that was more luck than anything else.
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Serene Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 11:20 pm (Quote)
Did you not read? I cannot birth at home. I am too unwell. Glad you think I can “pick and choose”. The choice I get it whether I have hot water in my tea or hot milk.
What I am getting at is that if you CHOOSE to birth in a hospital when you could have safely birthed at home, there is no room for your complaining. They WILL push intervention at you because THATS THEIR JOB. A hospital is not for a healthy person, its for a SICK person. No amount of complaining will stop them from trying to intervene. The only thing that will stop them trying to intervene in a healthy woman birthing a healthy baby is to birth at home. When they see they are losing money, things might start changing. Whining about it will not make it change. They just look at it as yet another person complaining about something they “brought on themselves” (no, not me that thinks that, had a midwife tell me that once!).
So consider reading for once what was actually written.
It is a broken system, and its NOT my opinion, it is what I see every frakking day.
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Louise Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 3:11 am (Quote)
Serene, you did not say in your first two posts here that you couldn’t birth at home. In some places “complaining” *does* work – but it depends on the place. If it doesn’t work where you are, then fine, complain about people who “complain”. However, sometimes even well women have hospital births – because of risks to their babies – like GBS. If a medical professional treats a woman like she asked for all those unnecessary interventions, well, my sister sent me a link once… title [What doesn't feel right, isn't]:
http://navelgazingmidwife.squarespace.com/navelgazing-midwife-blog/2009/9/22/what-doesnt-feel-right-isnt.html
Also, just ’cause a woman has a homebirth [with a midwife] doesn’t necessarily mean no pushed intervention. It depends on her attitude, just like anyone else.
Yeah, women should go read about stuff, yes, women should just refuse any unnecessary interventions – speak up for themselves, and no, I don’t think it’s the majority :-/. It’s not the fault of the women who *do* speak up and against the unnecessary interventions. It’s the ones who just do what the doc tells them because well, “he knows what he’s talking about”. It’s the people who are supposed to be supporting us, but don’t support anything but hospital births – because of the way they’re taught. It’s the expectations put on us by society. If we don’t speak up [what you call "complaining"], society will continue to expect all women to go give birth in the hospital. Then, nobody listens until we *do* give birth in the hospital and something goes wrong [something that's not our fault, but theirs]. At the moment, I’m hoping it works here [NB, Canada].
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Serene Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 3:18 am (Quote)
Again. A HUGE difference between “refusal of a procedure that is unnecessary and suggesting an alternative” and “complaining because you had to pee in a cup again because well you just dont WANT to be checked for glucose”.
No amount of complaining about standard procedure DEFINED FOR SICK PEOPLE will get you anywhere. How do I know this? Been there.
And I have mentioned I cannot homebirth several times. Just not in this thread.
Good God.
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Louise Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 5:36 am (Quote)
I put “you did not say in your first two posts here that you couldn’t birth at home” – a first time reader [if this is the first one happened upon] isn’t going to see your first two comments under this quote and just assume that you are one who *has* to have hospital births. S/he’ll more likely assume that you’re a whiner/complainer. Nor is someone who reads more necessarily going to remember your name [you're not the only one who posts] from another thread – so, sorry I don’t recall every thread you posted on.
You are making a judgment call though that isn’t yours to make. Plus, you’re making assumptions about other women’s “choices” – unless you know all these women and exactly what they and their health is like.
As for “complaining”, how do I know not standing up for myself won’t work? Been there, done that.
The only time I got the slightest bit listened to was when I made a big deal out of not wanting something.
That link my sister sent that I posted – talks about “birthrape” [sorry if that offends anyone] – that’s what it *is* when they do things unnecessarily that you don’t want. They *have* a code of conduct. Patients should read it and hold them up to that standard.
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Melissa Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 10:21 am (Quote)
(Serene, please forgive me for using some of your comments as a jumping-off point for an issue that’s important to me. The following isn’t aimed at you, although a few of your comments begin to lean a little in this direction. I hope you don’t feel personally attacked.)
The problem isn’t the women. It’s the hospitals. It’s the system. You can choose to birth at home, sure. But what if you choose to birth at a hospital? What if you’re not a good candidate for a homebirth, or you have no money to pay a midwife out of pocket, or you just aren’t comfortable at home?
On a macro level, we absolutely need to change the system. Women and babies will be happier and healthier if they get birth-related care from professionals who are good at helping out with birth, not surgical solutions to life-threatening problems. The systemic abuse, bad medical practices, and rampant paternalism have got to stop. There are a number of ways to try to make that happen. Some of us take our money elsewhere and birth at home. Some of us go to the hospital armed with research and support personal to help protect them from routine “interference” and in doing so, educate or encourage doctors and nurses regarding physiological birth. Some of us are advocates, educate our friends, write informative blogs, keep up with the politics and the headlines. But we shouldn’t have to.
We shouldn’t have to buck the system. We shouldn’t have to work to change it. But since no one else is going to, and it’s an intolerable situation, many of us do. But we usually owe our awakening to a bad experience with the system. So let’s not tell others who complain about the system to just “deal.”
On an individual level, every one of us gets to choose how we respond. We get to decide how much energy we want to throw at the fight, how we birth, where we birth, etc. Women who complain about hospital interventions and experiences are right to do so. What they have to deal with is wrong. Unjust. Disgusting. We shouldn’t be frustrated with women like that. Just because some of us are activists and/or make other birth choices doesn’t make everyone else morally obligated to do the same. At WORST, they are as naive as most of us here were before our first run-in with the maternity healthcare system.
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Serene Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 11:15 pm (Quote)
Well Duh!
Its NOT the women. Its the system. Its a one size fits all system.
But no amount of complaining about it will change it because it is based on what is perceived as a need. What WILL change it is when WELL women birth elsewhere. Complaining about being pushed to have3 interventions when you chose a hospital birth when you are perfectly healthy to birth at home is just idiocy.
Being someone who can ONLY hospital birth, I am well aware that I am going to have to deal with their procedures, and I can refuse them, but complaining about them just makes things worse for myself. You are honest to god stupid to think “complaining” does a shred of good with it. Thats what I am getting at.
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Aron Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 8:02 am (Quote)
“You are honest to god stupid to think “complaining” does a shred of good with it.”
Wow. Name calling. Nice.
As it happens, even though you are very passionate, you are also wrong. Change has always happened BOTH by people walking away AND people vocally protesting wrongs done. That’s reality.
Reporting abusive behavior up the chain of command is complaining – and it is both right and effective. Warning friends and acquaintances that certain hospitals will fight you for treatment with basic dignity is complaining – and it is both right and effective. Going into a hospital for a NECESSARY medical procedure then having NONnecessary things done along with it is a complaint-worthy event, and venting/debriefing to others is both healthy and right.
Telling people “you chose to go there, so suck it,” is wrong. And that IS what you are doing, even though you don’t want to admit it.
Welcome to MOBSW, just one more place where people complain and the word gets spread and women act and change happens.
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Serene Reply:
August 4th, 2010 at 12:33 am (Quote)
Ok this is what I was trying to spout yesterday.
I think alot of it is that medical schools now teach that while we try to educate ourselves, we often get bad information, so they have to push their own opinions to make sure we get the “right” information. Unfortunately not all of it is good practice, but they refuse to change because it is what they were taught. I was trying to say yesterday about it, but couldnt get it out without being a bitch (BAD PMS and an idiot husband who doesnt understand that Neprogesic IS an important thing to get your wife, beer is not!), Sorry 
.
What I was trying to say is that they are very stubborn about it all because its what they honestly believe, whether it be right or wrong. Unfortunately no amount of us complaining about it will change it. The only thing that will change their attitudes to the “uneducated public” is to prove that we DO know what we want, and we CAN back it up with valid information, and if they do not accept it, we will go elsewhere. But the fact of the matter is, it is a OSFA system and if you are a well person, you really do have the short end of the stick. I still do not see why well women with well babies CHOOSE to birth in a hospital with all the specialists around, but thats because I wouldnt if I didnt have to.
Let me put it better. Sitting back complaining (not “making complaints” or refusing a procedure, just general whingeing) will do very little. You really have to vote with your feet. And I applaud all of you who can and have left an Ob’s office and not gone back.
Better? Now stop bitching at me and unbunch your frickin panties.
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Aron Reply:
August 4th, 2010 at 5:52 am (Quote)
That last sentence literally made me LOL! Consider them non-bunched. Besides I overall agree with what you wrote in reply to me, but name-calling has always been a button-pusher for me. I do, however, maintain (having witnessed it myself) that even “whinging” can have the positive side-effect of getting an oblivious woman who overhears to get a clue that maybe it really shouldn’t be like that and maybe she should find out more. Still, like you, in my perfect world all healthy women would not only have access to, but choose homebirth with a skilled midwife.
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brige had this to say,
Aug 2, 2010 @ 2:20 pm (Quote)
Melissa…
You forgot unethical… Prescribing medical treatment for financial gain goes beyond acceptable practice… If this was cardio, and the drs were just saying oh well just do a full transplant instead of the angioplasty… People would freak! Heads would roll… But its just us lowly women, and our emotions and vaginas… Which to society and the media are worthless…
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Serene Reply:
August 2nd, 2010 at 11:27 pm (Quote)
I wonder how much a Vagina Transplant costs…
Hmmm…
Yeah Ive been in a sarcastic snappy mood for 2 days. My husband had the gall to ask me if I really needed tampons and naprogesic before payday. I nearly killed him.
Ok what Ive been tryng to say is that no amount of complaining about intervention attempts is going to change the system. Refusing to be put int hat situation WILL change it. If you are healthy and your baby is healthy, then there is really no reason to subject yourself to the hospital regime. Some people need the poking and prodding. I am one of them. But it goes with the territory. You set foot in a hospital as a client/patient, they will assume you are sick no matter if you are a marathon runner. Its the way it is.
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I have not had the joy of a real birth. But I do know that I have options, and one of the ways I know this is from all of you. My girl friend and her sisters are all pro home birthing, and one of them is a doula. They have educated me more in birthing, babies, and childcare than anything in school or even my mom (who had all three of us in the hospital). Thank you all for empowering me, and letting me pass this on to EVERY woman I know.
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Add Your Comment.
Encouragement and reassurance and support for a positive and empowering experience, YAY!
/sarcasm
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