Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Jul
15
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Thoughtful Thursday! “You Have Such Amazing Control!”
“You have such AMAZING control! I am so proud of you!” – Midwife to mother during the pushing stage.
There are 11 comments to this post.
I don’t mind the word either – my dr. used it to describe me too with all of my kids, as in ‘you have more control than many do…’. The way I take it is maintaining my composure, handling my labor/emotions well, able to think coherently and control my physical actions/reactions, etc – not a bad thing at all. My births were all unmedicated as well, and I pushed for no more than 5 minutes with any of my 4 (less than a minute with the last one!) and only a small tear. My dr. meant it as a complement in that I dealt with labor/pushing very well and he was impressed. I don’t mind the word control..and I wanted to have it, in a good sense, in my births, and I did!
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Not all women are quiet/calm/introverted birthers. A vocal woman is not necessarily out of control or hysterical. There is a bias towards the less demonstrative birthers, somehow their inward-turning coping skills are superior.
If I ‘kept quiet’ and ‘in control’ I would have been miserable. It felt good and natural to make noise and made me feel better, it would have taken a huge effort to birth in any other way than felt right. It would seem ridiculous to tell a quiet a birther to yell, growl, or moan but is perfectly acceptable to tell a louder birther to be quiet.
Disclaimer: I am *not* talking about hysterical, screaming, non-communicative, not ‘in their heads at all’ women.
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cheeks023 Reply:
July 15th, 2010 at 2:46 pm (Quote)
>>If I ‘kept quiet’ and ‘in control’ I would have been miserable. It felt good and natural to make noise and made me feel better<<
But that still makes you in control technically.
This doesn't inform us whether the mother was vocal and loud or not, just that she had control of what she was doing.
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Jane Reply:
July 15th, 2010 at 5:22 pm (Quote)
I mentioned screaming above and I meant the hysterical screaming when someone panics, not a woman who vocalizes during labor. I vocalized during labor, but I could tell when I started to rise up into that panicked frightened sound, and I’d have to consciously lower it again into a controlled, useful vocalization.
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This was my post 
My midwife ment that I had amazing control with my pushing… meaning I wasnt rushing or pushing too hard as to tear… She wasnt talking about me not being vocal, because trust me, I think my “singing” was heard a block away 
I was trying really hard to do what my body wanted me to do, and I did it… with only a small “skidmark” over a previous epi scar. (a third degree cut from my previous OB-birth…)
I LOVE my midwives, it was an amazing birth and I cant wait to do it again!
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It is nice to get compliments, but I’m not really loving this one. Control really shouldn’t be the goal during childbirth. Isn’t that why the doctors run into so much trouble; because they try to control something that they should just go with? Isn’t that why we’ve seen the tremendous spike in inductions; because mothers and doctors want to control the process and manage their time? I really believe in letting go and following. Not in control. Obviously the person who subimitted it thought it was great, and I’m all for feel good validation, etc. But we need to get that word control out of the birth vocabulary!
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Jane Reply:
July 15th, 2010 at 5:01 am Jane(Quote)
I took it to mean that the mom was accurately reading her body’s signals about the time to start pushing, stop pushing, and wasn’t screaming or panicking in between pushes or contractions.
I agree that control isn’t the determiner. But at least in this case the MOTHER is the one with the control, not the hospital’s actuary.
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hallie Reply:
July 15th, 2010 at 7:15 am hallie(Quote)
i also think that’s how she meant it, she was controlling when and how hard to push. push too hard for too long and you can tear. I for one am not too good at controlling the pushing…My midwife had to keep reminding me to stop pushing when the contraction was over…
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Sarah Reply:
July 15th, 2010 at 10:15 am Sarah(Quote)
That’s how I took it as well. I get it. Because I, for one, had lousy control at that point, lol. I had a totally unmedicated VBAC, was pushing in an upright position on a birth stool, but I tore like the dickens because I just could not hold back and push gradually to give myself time to stretch. So, just a smidge more control would have been nice, haha.
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Mama Kalila Reply:
July 15th, 2010 at 10:34 am Mama Kalila(Quote)
LOL I didn’t stop pushing when mine was over w/ my second child, just didn’t feel right to do so. I was so afraid I’d tore because of it (esp after we realized how big he was lol) but I didn’t.
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