Common sense put those ideas into my head.

“But doctor, surely you agree that a patient is her own best advocate for her own and her baby’s health!”

I love the idea that if someone wants to do other than the assembly-line birth, she’s been brainwashed. It tells us something about the obstetric mindset.

Why doc, YOU did when you said you supported natural birth! Oh, you just meant not a planned c-section. Now I have my best idea of all: BYE!

Grey aliens from Nibiru inserted them into my mind, when they tagged me with the microchip. Do you have any tin foil I can borrow? I saw this movie where making hats out of tin foil blocked any attempts at alien mind control.

Oh, and while you’re at it, do you have any more stupid questions for me to answer? I may not be able to vouch for the originality of my ideas to your satisfaction, but I guarantee that I can continue to come up with original answers.

It was the Great Gazoo. You know, the little green alien guy from The Flintstones.

“I made them up. You know, kind of like you did, when you said an IV was necessary, and the best way for the baby to come out was the lithotomy position.”

“All the great studies that have come out recently, doc! What, you mean you aren’t up to date on that stuff? How is it that you can still maintain a medical license?”

Wow, he might as well have said “your pretty little head”

These are really not that radical of ideas. Food and drink as desired, changing positions that are comfortable are things that I do on a daily basis. Why should the day I give birth be the one where I decide to fast and remain immoblie. And most of my life I can get by without an IV just fine, thank you.

Translation: I prefer my patients uninformed so they’ll do whatever I tell them to

but dr, I specifically asked you if you work evidence-based. So will you be kind enough to present the evidence supporting your approach?

Where did I get these ideas? Well, let’s see….the Cochrane Database, Dr.s Phyllis and Marshall Klaus, Dr. Marsden Wagner, Dr. Michel Odent, Dr.s William and Martha Sears, Dr. Jay Gordon, Dr. Mercola….then there’s my own anatomy & physiology professor, Dr. Jose Alcala, who’s mother had all 6 of her children unassisted at home then proceeded to breastfeed each of them well into toddlerhood….I can also list multiple physiologists, anthropologists, midwives and the practice guidelines of countries with FAR better outcomes than ours. Finally, I got these ideas into my pretty little head because of the common sense and intelligence God gave me when He created this body to be able to safely conceive, grow and bring forth my children.

….Um,would you care for some copies of this data? Because it seems obvious you deficient in your knowledge of nonpathological reproductive physiology. I have Marsden Wagner’s email address if you want to ask him any questions….

did he pat her on the head while he said this?

good question, doc. SOMEBODY had to put these ideas into my head because, heaven knows, women aren’t intelligent enough to come up with any of their own…