Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Jun
22
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“You Are Tighter Than A Tick.”
“You are tighter than a tick.” -OB during a prenatal vaginal exam at a 39 weeks 4 days.
There are 29 comments to this post.
Sarah Dorrance-Minch had this to say,
Jun 22, 2010 @ 4:17 pm (Quote)
And you, Doctor, are ruder than Joe Biden.
Your poetic analogies also leave something to be desired. Why don’t you try another technique of poetry that might suit you better? Like assonance?
(Apologies to those people on here who like Joe Biden. He has his good points, but diplomacy isn’t one of them, IMO.)
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And tell me Dr, How many ticks have you been with? Have you talked to anyone about this problem? *snort*
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 7:28 pm (Quote)
You know, my husband was reading over my shoulder, and we speculated just now that maybe the doctor does, in fact, have some personal knowledge of ticks.
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randomacts had this to say,
Jun 22, 2010 @ 6:43 pm (Quote)
That’s what he said!
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I really hope he was talking about a cervix (as in, not dilated) and not about a vagina. Otherwise, EW.
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Isn’t the phrase wound up tighter than a clock? And that would be nervous. When ticks bite they sort of burrow in, and if you pull too hard to get them off you you will leave the head in and just pop off the body. If there was such a saying about ticks I think I would have heard of it! I don’t know what the heck this guy (or gal) is talking about and I dont think he (or she) does either! Can;t wait to hear the rest of the story.
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Kat Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 7:18 am (Quote)
I have heard this saying. Usually it refers to how engorged and large a tick gets after being attached to something for a long period of time. When I was 9 months pregnant, I may have FELT “tighter than a tick” in my large belly, but I wouldn’t have appreciated it being pointed out by a medical provider.
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Actually the origins of this phrase refers to a Straw Tick and has nothing to do with the insect.
Straw ticks were used as mattresses (1800′s) and were lain across a bedstead made with weaved rope. Sometimes you have to tighten the ropes or your mattress would sag. The tighter the ropes, the “firmer” the straw tick was to sleep on. That is also where the phrase “sleep tight” comes from.
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 8:46 am (Quote)
Does this mean the doctor is a fan of using ropes and other bondage equipment in labour? I can see how at times it might come in handy – suspension manacles or ropes would allow dangling, which is a good gravity-assisted birthing position, and since it stretches the labouring mother into a vertical position, it can be useful in relieving back labour.
Also, with a masochistic patient, there is the advantage of having someone who isn’t afraid of pain, pushing thresholds, or comprehending the notion of pain being both good and bad, a concept that gives more mainstream people a certain amount of cognitive dissonance. Not that all people who are into bondage are into sadomasochism – it’s not exactly a package deal, after all.
Neither of these scenarios is positive from the perspective of the average doctor, who if s/he is old fashioned probably would love to bring back the bad old days when labouring mothers were rendered senseless via scopalomine and morphine, tied to giant cribs until the pushing phase, then tied down to delivery tables and knocked out with gas prior to getting massive episiotomies to make room for the forceps that pulled out their babies.
Anyway, is the doctor advocating rope?!?
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CCindy Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 9:09 am (Quote)
Sarah, I’m absolutely speechless. You have gone off on some interesting tangents before, but “Also, with a masochistic patient, there is the advantage of having someone who isn’t afraid of pain, pushing thresholds, or comprehending the notion of pain being both good and bad, a concept that gives more mainstream people a certain amount of cognitive dissonance.” deserves a prize. Maybe golden handcuffs! *shakes head in disbelief.*
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 10:14 am (Quote)
I would find gold useless except for its investment value.
Actually, right now, I could really use a good TENS unit for my lower back. I’m carrying low, and from the size of my fundus, I’m pretty sure Catharine is somewhere between six and seven pounds. That plus the amniotic fluid and placenta, and the way my tipped uterus has me habitually carrying my babies in the occiput posterior position until the very last minute, makes for one heck of a backache.
On YouTube somewhere there’s a guy who decides to simulate pregnancy and labour to see what it’s like, and for his labour pains the midwives he consulted cranked up the voltage on a TENS unit somewhat higher than is used for pain relief. It was, I confess, rather amusing to watch. My own use of the TENS, however, would be purely for relief of back pain.
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this happened to me! I could not believe it when the dr said this! I was like…. ummm, ok. 
I never dilated at all, ended up having to have a c section. Oh, and I’m from Tennesse… someone had commented on what part of the south is he from, lol
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CCindy Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 9:11 am (Quote)
Never dialated at all under what conditions?
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 10:22 am (Quote)
I have to say, being told that I’m as tight as a tick just before my “due” date would give me one heck of a case of performance anxiety. I probably would get as tight as a tick.
Well, maybe. Now that I’ve been through the system a few times and all that, I’d be more likely to fire the doctor. As a first time mother, though, that would have had a pretty serious impact on my nerves.
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Well now I’m really confused. Was he talking about her stomach being swollen like an engorged tick while doing a vaginal exam/cervix check. Or did this have something to do with being firm and flat like a tick mattress on a tightly woven rope bed? I dont think we are going to find the answer in any medical book. It just reminds me of somebody hubby knows who likes to mix together his metaphors, and trust me, it comes out pretty crazy!
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D.W.M. Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 5:25 pm (Quote)
I have to confess: whether what he said was a mixed metaphor or not, he sounds like just the sort of chap to grab the bull by the horns of a dilemma and try to make a saying sound glib. As we know, there’s more than one way to skin a cat on a hot tin roof, so whatever method you pick you still have to be careful. If you overdo it and end up insulting your patients, like this fellow did, somebody with a temper could leave you dead as a dormouse.
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 6:12 pm (Quote)
*sigh* That’s my husband. Be glad he didn’t throw in a few bad puns for good measure… 
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CCindy Reply:
June 24th, 2010 at 5:08 am (Quote)
D.W.M. (aka Sarah’s husband) So you know the guy I’m thinking of. What was the exact quote mixing switching horses in mid stream and raining on your parade? (Sarah, I like him. He is funny) Dead as a dormouse! HA!
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
June 24th, 2010 at 8:23 am (Quote)
He catches babies, too. Without dropping them in the garbage can.
Eight years, this July 4.
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Birth Unplugged had this to say,
Jun 23, 2010 @ 11:43 am (Quote)
I’m not sure what this OB was talking about, but I would like to know when the obstetric community is going to acknowledge that vaginal exams at prenatal appointments don’t give any useful information and stop doing them routinely? Some women go from closed cervix to pushing in a matter of hours and some walk around for days or weeks dilated enough that they “should” be in active labor, but they’re not. I, for one, am glad that in my second pregnancy, I had no vaginal exams until I was having contractions that were 2 min. apart and was discovered to be 8 cm. Next time, I think I’ll try to have none at all.
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Jane Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 6:06 pm (Quote)
But they have to do them, you see, because they’ve always done them, and they’ll keep doing them in the future because they’re doing them now.
My SIL’s doctor did admit, when faced with two very angry people who suspected he’d stripped her membranes without telling her about it the week before, that the internal exam served no useful purpose whatsoever.
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Exactly how tight is a tick, then?
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