Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Jun
6
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“…That’s Not A Little Crazy, That’s A *LOT* Crazy.”
‘Wow, that’s not a little crazy, that’s a LOT crazy.’ – Doctor to mother who just told him that she had three chidren under the age of 4 1/2.
There are 79 comments to this post.
Crazy, is that medical terminology???
I remember a Dr asking me if in my religion we believed in tying our tubes. I was on my third child and had a 3 yr old a 9 month old. Thankfully she wasn’t my regular provider.
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I get that a LOT. Had my first 4 kids in 5 1/2 years. Loved it, too, BTW… It’s amazing how rude people can be, when they feel the need to comment on the size of one’s family and/or the spacing of one’s children. I’ve got 7, now, and you would not believe the comments I get… Sheesh!
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partlysbabe had this to say,
Jun 6, 2010 @ 5:32 am (Quote)
Well I guess Im crazy too then!!… I had my first 18 months apart the #3 soon after!!
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Dear Dr.,
Unless someone asks for your input on their family planning decisions, keep your mouth shut.
No love,
Everyone
When my 3rd is born this fall, I’ll have 3 under 4. My first two are 20 months apart and 2 and 3 will be about 23 months apart.
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My Ob called my hubby and I, breeders, when I said we’d be trying for a 4th. If you can’t say something nice. don’t say anything!
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Mama Mirage Reply:
June 6th, 2010 at 1:07 pm (Quote)
Wow that is seriously crude rude and ill mannered.
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“Um, ok. Which ones should I give back to be un-crazy?”
or
“Shoot, and this whole time I thought it was up to me and my husband to decide how many children we should have!”
Geez, when are people ever going to learn that it’s not their business how many kids OTHER PEOPLE have? Blech. Massive pet peeve.
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Sarah Dorrance-Minch had this to say,
Jun 6, 2010 @ 6:52 am (Quote)
When my oldest daughter, Sophie, turned four, I was breastfeeding my two and a half year old daughter Liesl and two or three months pregnant with Kassandra. I guess you might as well lock me up in the loony bin, too.
What a jerk.
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octobermomx2 had this to say,
Jun 6, 2010 @ 7:01 am (Quote)
oh i can beat all of you at being “crazy” when i have this baby (#4) my oldest will be 3.5 yrs old!!! and they are the best playmates for each other we could possibly hope for… wild? yes! but it will SO pay off someday LOL
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What the eff does this doctor have telling her how many children to have or how to space them? Maybe she LIKES having them all close together! I get a lot of flak because I have 4 altogether… but really, they were all planned and spaced the way WE wanted them. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about our family’s size.
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Aside from the uncalled for commentary on a mother’s family planning. 3 children in 4.5 years isn’t really that unusual. Assuming the oldest is 4.5, the middle is around 2ish, and a newborn. That’s not really that close for spacing children. And not the doctor’s place to comment. My grandmother had her first five children in six years.
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mommymichael had this to say,
Jun 6, 2010 @ 8:08 am (Quote)
I’m 25, and have 3 – 3 and under. my first two were 15 months apart. that means i got pregnant when my first was just 7.5 months. my third was born this past jan.
meester doctor sir, you can kiss my lily white arse. i’m not crazy. i’m in love. in love with my husband. in love with being a mother. and in LOVE with my children.
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Mama Wears Combat Boots had this to say,
Jun 6, 2010 @ 8:53 am (Quote)
I’m a lot crazy too because I had my 3rd child when the others were 2 and almost 4.5.
But am I the only one who thinks this comment is not all that bad? I mean, those of us with kids that young know that is DOES get really crazy sometimes. Crazy in a good way most of the time, and sometimes crazy in a “I wanna pull my hair out way.” It depends how the comment was said, the context, tone, body language, etc. I mean, maybe this doc is speaking from experience? Then again, maybe he does personally think that’s too many kids in which case he should keep his mouth shut. I just think on this one, we don’t know enough details to really know how he meant it.
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Laura Reply:
June 6th, 2010 at 9:05 am (Quote)
Tone and context matter — if this had been said by a supportive friend offering sympathy to someone looking for it, it would not have been submitted.
Said with disdain by a doctor who thinks you’re an *idiot* for whatever reason, NOTHING they say is going to come off right.
Even if he IS speaking from HIS experience, no two families are the same, so he STILL doesn’t have any business calling her “crazy” for having three kids under five (not all that unusual, honestly). A cousin of mine has seven (and an 8th blessing on the way!), and absolutely thrives with a passel of kids tumbling around all the time. They’re happy, responsible, and loved. Other people have their hands full with one. That’s fine. But I still maintain that people need to butt out of others’ family planning decisions. Even something that seems innocent gets really freaking old the 7000th time you’ve heard it — “Boy, you’ve got your hands full” or “Do you know how that happens?” might not seem so bad ONCE. You know?
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Mama Mirage Reply:
June 6th, 2010 at 2:00 pm (Quote)
That’s precisely it. If it were a friend offering sympathy over a crazy day with the kids that’s one thing, but I don’t think it’s a strangers business, or a casual aquaintances business, or a doctor’s business, to say those things. And if the doctor were a friend close enough to the comment submitter to say something like that, or came across as sympathetic rather than rude, then it wouldn’t be on MOBSW! I am 5 1/2 months pregnant with #3, and have a 1 1/2 year old and a 3 1/2 year old, and let me tell you I’m getting quite sick of every Tom, Jane, and Sandy in the grocery store and on the street saying things like, “Wow that’s really crazy!”, “You’ve sure got your your hand’s full!”, “You DO know what causes that, right?”, and other even ruder things. I think my kids are awesome and if I could I’d have 20 more just like them. And I think that 2 years apart, give or take, is a great spacing.
As an aside I don’t always get rude comments. Sometimes I get nice ones and it’s quite refreshing to hear how cute or well-mannered my kids are as opposed to how they must be driving me crazy or that I’m dumb or insane for getting pregnant again.
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Michelle Potter Reply:
June 7th, 2010 at 8:28 am (Quote)
The nice comments make it all better. 
I love when we walk into a restaurant we like and the waiter and manager are all, “We love when you come in! Your kids are so well behaved — not like those people who let their kids run all over and climb on the tables!” And when people at the next table lean over to compliment us on the fact that our kids actually sit and eat and participate in the dinner conversation.
I also get comments from older ladies. Sometimes they’ll happily tell me that they had a large family too, and sometimes they’ll sadly tell me how they wished they’d had more children.
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No one would ever dream of saying to someone with no children, or just one or two “Wow, you’re crazy, you don’t have enough beautiful babies bringing joy into your life. Don’t you know how they’re made? You should stop using condoms or just have more sex. You know, here, take this card for my fertility specialist, she can help you.”
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L Reply:
June 7th, 2010 at 4:45 am (Quote)
Actually, a lot of people do say stuff like that. I am going to have my 3rd right around my 1st’s 4th birthday and my 2nd will only be 17 months. My first is a girl. I am 99% sure that unless you have a boy first, then a girl 2-3 years later, then no other kids, your family is somehow “wrong” as judged by 85% of passing commenters. It went from “Oh, it’s ok, you can have a boy next time so your husband will be happy” to “When are you going to have another baby?” to “I bet you hope it’s a boy!” to “Oh, a boy, that’s the perfect family, now you can be done!” to “Wow, you guys are crazy/going to be tired/going to be miserable/etc.”
And those are insulting to hear even without factoring in the misery if someone had fertility problems or losses or whatever.
That said, I do give the general public a lot more leeway than I would a doctor. Even given that this 3rd one was an accident, I am an adult and am competent enough to ask the doctor if I need further advice on fertility planning.
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Jena Reply:
June 7th, 2010 at 9:38 am (Quote)
Sheesh. I didn’t know people were stupid enough to actually say those things. Not that family size is really ever anyone else’s business to dictate, but man. Saying a family’s too small or that they “must be waiting on” one or the other to fit some fanciful ideal is just… wow. You never know the dungpile of grief or frustration you may be stepping into.
Sorry you’ve had to go through that. 
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Leah Reply:
June 7th, 2010 at 10:42 am (Quote)
Honestly with random passers-by it is getting to the point where it’s just funny because it’s so ridiculous. But I do think that people with infertility or loss or whatever else they are personally dealing with shouldn’t have to deal with the unthinking public – just because I can generally let it go with an eye roll or rant to my husband doesn’t mean the next person they say that to will, you know? I wish people were just more empathetic overall, though then this site wouldn’t need to be here. And I do think that if a care provider said some of the things I’ve heard from people I’d be really really angry.
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Aron Reply:
June 7th, 2010 at 6:49 am (Quote)
Jane, as someone dealing with 5 years of infertility I can tell you that the sad fact is some people really DO say that! All of it! You can’t win for losing really – either you don’t have enough children or you have too many, and no one ever fills you in on what the magic number is for perfect family size and age.
Fave comment so far by well meaning friend: “once you hit your 30s your eggs start to get old, so you need to start using them.” Thanks! I’ll get right on that.
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Michelle Potter Reply:
June 7th, 2010 at 8:44 am (Quote)
Aw, man, that’s awful. That is exactly why I don’t question my friends who don’t have kids. If they want to talk about it, I’m willing to listen and offer whatever help or advice I can. But if they don’t, then it’s none of my business!
I was at lunch with two friends who didn’t know each other. One, who’d just had her first, asked about when my husband and I were getting “fixed” (tactfully, and she is a close friend who knew that we didn’t exactly plan our 7th). The other, who had great difficulty in conceiving her daughter, and adopted her son, said that if she could have more children, she’d never stop. That really made me think about how lucky I am. Of course, I’ve never taken it for granted — my grandmother had eight pregnancies and none of her children lived. (My dad’s adopted.)
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Jena Reply:
June 7th, 2010 at 9:40 am (Quote)
I didn’t know people would flag their ignorance/silliness around like that. Should have guessed, though, given all the other things they feel free to say. My condolences in your frustration and having to deal with dumb comments.
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Kat Reply:
June 7th, 2010 at 11:16 am (Quote)
I am so sorry you have had to deal with painful comments like that.
The very worst compliment my family has ever gotten was “Aww, you have 2 boys and 2 girls, the perfect family!”
This was less than 6 months after our son had died, and my “perfect” family would have been to have all 3 of my boys with me. I had to walk away and let my husband handle it, or that poor old lady would probably have gotten her feelings hurt, and she was just trying to be nice.
For this reason, if I am commenting on someone’s family I usually just smile at them and say ‘You have a beautiful family” or if it’s a mom looking a bit overwhelmed with several energetic young kids, I’ll say “I have 5 myself, hang in there, I know how it is!” This is usually after I have been sneaking little smiling glances at them, and I want them to know I am not some crazy person in the store who thinks kids should never be seen in public (yes, there are people who actually think that! How do they expect kids to learn to behave in public if they are locked up for 18 years with no practice?!)
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I’m due in 2 weeks with my 4th and my oldest is 5 1/2. Some people I know have told me I always seem to be pregnant, lol. My dr. doesn’t see anything crazy about it, tho! Or me, fortunately!
But actually, the 1st 2 are almost 2 1/2 years apart, the 2nd and 3rd are 17 months apart and the last 2 will 22 months apart. To me, that seems like good spacing! And I like that they’re still fairly close together, as my bro and I were 6 years apart which was a challenge sometimes.
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That’s not a little rude, that’s alot rude. I had 4 under four (twins in there) and I love my kids and how my family is. They adore each other and we love them to bits. My eldest was 19 months old when my twins were born and a month shy of 4 when my 4th baby was born. How I plan my family is none of YOUR damn business, thanks.
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I’ve only got two, 19 months apart, with the eldest just 21 months right now and even I’m getting these type of comments! I have to really bite my tongue to keep from saying “number 3 would be coming along in 14 to 17 months if I was physically capable of having another, thanks so much for reminding me I can’t have another!” In the meantime, assuming mom breastfeeds and mom and dad are both of normal fertility, the most natural spacing of children is 16 to 24 months apart. Comments like this remind me how unfriendly to families and how removed from the natural course of things our society has become (usa). So nice to see so many comments from large family mothers! Good for all of you! I’ll join your ranks via adoption someday.
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Brige Reply:
June 6th, 2010 at 4:50 pm (Quote)
Bebe #2 will be arriving when DD is 26 months… and we’d been trying for well ( I was honestly hoping to be expecting at my 6 week check up) dd was bf up until a few weeks ago We all need to have more babies… I don’t know at what number we’ll stop at but it’ll probably be between 6 and 8 but in all honesty we’ve always said well take as many as the good lord will give us, when he’ll give them to us! People really need to keep their fraking mouths shut… wasn’t it Bambi’s mom who said if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all
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Cmat Reply:
June 6th, 2010 at 8:17 pm (Quote)
Jespren- You and your family will be such an amazing blessing to a child or children that need a loving home. I’m sorry that people’s comments hit home the way they do.
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Aunt4God Reply:
June 8th, 2010 at 10:34 am (Quote)
Jespren, my mom was in your same situation. After my sister, her second, was born, she was told to never have another baby (my sister almost died from the rh factor thingy, and I think my mom had some side affects as well.) They had almost given up on another child, when, 12 years later, I crawled up to my mom and “into my heart completely” as she tells me. So hang in there, and keep the options open!
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The doc that delivered #3 was fantastic. When he questioned me about birth control at my 6week check up I told him we were ok and that we know what we were doing. The nurse started making comments that I’d be back in 3 months pregnant again, blah, blah, blah. Before I even had a chance to think, the doc said, “no she’s a good Girl, she knows what she’s doing she’ll be fine”. Thats awesome! Its a shame the rest of the nosey world can’t see that some of us CHOOSE to have our children.
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Kat Reply:
June 6th, 2010 at 11:40 pm (Quote)
Wow, what a rude person that nurse was. Even if you WERE pregnant and coming back in 3 months SO WHAT?!
Your pregnancy pays her bills, the very least she could do is maintain basic civility towards her employer’s customers.
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Jane Reply:
June 7th, 2010 at 3:21 am (Quote)
When I went to my 6 weeks PP checkup after my first, I brought two or three textbooks about Natural Family Planning and the Lactational Amenorrhea Method with me because I had a couple of technical questions for the doctor. When I asked, he stared blankly, and rather than say “I know nothing about NFP” he proceeded to make fun of me and turned to the nurse, sneering, “She’s going to use *naaaatural* methods,” then turned back to me and said, “You’ll be back here pregnant again in six weeks.”
First and second babies were spaced almost exactly three years apart.
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I was originally hoping to be more crazy (I wanted 18 month spacing) but I’m so glad God had other plans for spacing the first 3 (1 – 2 = 24.5 months, 2 – 3 = 25.5 months), but I am in awe of the moms I know who have them closer together and maintain some level of sanity! (and bring on the big families…we are hoping for 7 or more, and then to adopt as well)
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I’m one of the “crazies” on the other end of the spectrum.
DD #1- 20 almost 21
DD #2- 15
DS #1- 4
DD #3- 2
Oh, and DD #1 gave me my first granddaughter last year.
I get the “you must have been crazy to start over again” comments all the danged time.
No, I’m not crazy. I am quite happy, TYVM
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Michelle Potter had this to say,
Jun 6, 2010 @ 6:37 pm (Quote)
I have seven. When my youngest was born, the others were 1, 3, 4, 6, 9, and 10. Did I mention that the oldest two are only 10 months apart? Oh, and did I mention that I adopted the oldest two when I was only 20, and got pregnant with the fourth when I was only 21?
I’ve heard it all. Aside from the near constant, “You must have your hands full!” and “Don’t you know what causes that?” and “You need to ‘do something’ about this!” (the last one from my family), I got, “There must be something wrong with you!” and “If you were my daughter, I’d kill you!” and “Let someone else have the next one!” and “Trust me, when your kids grow up they’ll hate you for having such a big family!”
Here’s my comment: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
Oh, and I spent 6 years in therapy with PROFESSIONAL COUNSELORS telling me that my whole problem was having too many kids and not enough “me time” before my HUSBAND finally figured out that I had an undiagnosed learning disorder (confirmed by a neurologist)! Funny how my meds cured me of all those “too many kids” problems!!
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Cmat Reply:
June 6th, 2010 at 8:14 pm (Quote)
My only comment to large families is “Never a dull moment!” Because there’s not, but guess what?? The family is probably happy!
Glad you were able to get a diagnosis. How can there be “too many kids” at all???
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Adrienne Reply:
June 8th, 2010 at 5:39 pm (Quote)
your… kids…. will… HATE… you????
I am one of 5. we’ve decided to have 6 or 7 or more (we have 4 so far!) because I thought my childhood would have been more fun if I had more siblings. my husband thinks the same about his childhood, though he only has 2 siblings.
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Michelle Potter Reply:
June 8th, 2010 at 8:59 pm (Quote)
This was said to me by the guy working the carousel at the Renaissance Festival. He told me that he was the oldest of 8, that he hated it, and insisted that my kids must hate it too — or else they would when they were older. I tried to laugh it off and explain that my oldest daughter (who, having another three siblings by her biological mother, is actually the oldest of TEN) absolutely adores having so many younger siblings. But he kept insisting, and I was *trying* to take pictures of my kids on the carousel, so I had to move to the other side to get away from him.
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Mama Mirage Reply:
June 8th, 2010 at 7:13 pm (Quote)
Wow… My husband’s dad was one of 10. They are STILL so close that they have this HUMONGOUS family reunion every single Thanksgiving. It’s quite the thankful shindig! Lol! I hope my own kids are that close when they are grandparents and great-grandparents!
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Knitted in the Womb had this to say,
Jun 6, 2010 @ 8:09 pm (Quote)
I’m thankful for the OB who attended my first two births on this one. He told me–with a genuine smile–that I could have as many kids as I wanted.
Of course he’s Mennonite…so my 5 kids is probably a “small” family in his mind.
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Suzanne Reply:
June 6th, 2010 at 11:41 pm (Quote)
One of the things that hooked me on my midwife last time, was the Michelle Duggar quote on her homepage about having too many children in the world being like having too many wild flowers…
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Michelle Potter Reply:
June 6th, 2010 at 11:55 pm (Quote)
If Michelle Duggar said that, she was quoting Mother Teresa.
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My first 2 are 18 months apart.
#2 and #3 are 15 months apart.
#3 was born when #1 was 34 months old, and not yet fully potty trained. Three in diapers. Yes, it did feel a bit crazy for a while there, but you know what? People comment all the time on how well my kids play together, how sweet they all are, and how close they seem to be. Some of that is work we put in as parents, teaching them to be polite and kind, but some of it is that they are so used to being together that when one is not home for any reason, the others feel their absence.
Oh and after those 3, I had 3 more. One is in heaven, and 2 here with me. 6 births, 5 incredible kids following me around the grocery store, to the park, playing baseball and riding bikes, learning to read, and complaining about chores. They’re so cute, I’d be crazy to NOT want them in my life!
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Seeing all these replies in my email this am made my morning. That and the fact that 5 of my 6 children are still sleeping.
I am mom to 6 children and the 7th due in Nov. Ages 12,9,7,6,2,1. I homeschool, am I the craziest of them all LOL. Since this pregnancy most days I do feel crazy,but somehow I think I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Thankfully I am blessed with a supportive Dr.
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Michelle Potter Reply:
June 7th, 2010 at 8:54 am (Quote)
If you’re the craziest, you’re not alone. I’m homeschooling 7, too. 
I’m glad you found a supportive doctor! I finally found an OB I liked in my last pregnancy (which unfortunately ended in a blighted ovum.) Instead of lecturing me on birth control, he offered sincere condolences and said he hoped I’d come back to see him with my next pregnancy. I don’t think we’re going to have an 8th, but it was nice to hear!
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Mama Mirage Reply:
June 8th, 2010 at 7:15 pm (Quote)
I’m homeschooling too but mine are still little so only my oldest really does things most people would consider schooling so far. I hope to have at lest 4 kids. I’d love to have a dozen! I don’t think my hubby would go for a dozen… LOL!
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On the crazy train here, too, then. #3 will be born in July, shortly after #1 turns 3.5. #2 just turned 2 last Friday. So, 1 and 2 are 17.5 months apart and 2 and 3 are 25.5 months apart. I think it’s perfect! Sure, it’s a lot of work, but my daughter (3.5) and son (2) are so close and such great playmates, and now my daughter is super-excited to be getting a baby sister.
Oh, AND we’re planning a #4 in the next 2 years. I guess we’re nuts!
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Mama Mirage Reply:
June 8th, 2010 at 7:20 pm (Quote)
That’s great! My oldest is stoked too that she’s getting a baby sister for her birthday… LOL! We too hope for #4 about 2 years, give or take, after #3′s birth. I agree the spacing can be alot of work at first, but they’re going to be great friends being so close in age!
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Lysana Reply:
June 9th, 2010 at 6:42 am (Quote)
I’m really loving the interaction between my daughter and my son. They get on each other’s nerves sometimes, but it’s fairly seldom so far. Lots of fun!
That’s so sweet that she’s getting a sister “for her birthday!” My son’s (#2) birthday is closer to #3′s (he turned 2 last Friday) but he doesn’t know the difference yet.
I’m planning a natural birth this time, for the first time, and just switched providers and hospitals (at 34 weeks) to help facilitate it. I’m pretty excited about it!
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I was 3 weeks shy of 4 when my sister was born, and we have a brother in between us. Now we have a step sister as well who is just a bit younger than my brother. My senior year of high school we were a senior, junior, sophomore, and freshman.
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Notice to idiot physician(s):
Based on the fact that the population growth in this country (applies to ALL 1rst world nations) is dropping below sustenance levels, and will only be able to sustain itself if we get enough immigration, I would think you would be glad that I’m producing more than the usual number to support you with their taxes when you are old and gray. If you still feel the need to comment on something that is none of your business, I’m putting you on notice that I consider discussing any part of my sexual history in a non-medical context sexual harassment, and will treat it as such.
Thank you for your attention,
The patient
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How rude! Like it’s any of his business. I had 3 kids in 3 years and absolutely love it
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