May 30

“…I’m The Only Man You’ll Allow In Bed With Your Wife.”

“I bet I’m the only man you’ll allow in bed with your wife.” -OB to husband while conducting a vaginal exam on his wife during her labor.

127 people dislike these words.

There are 31 comments to this post.

Jane had this to say, May 30, 2010 @ 4:03 pm (Quote)

“Hello? State licensing board? I was wondering if you’d be interested in hearing about an incident of sexual harassment.”

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Liz had this to say, May 30, 2010 @ 4:12 pm (Quote)

:O
I want to know what the hubby said.
My hubby would have just have said, “Alright love lets go.” And helped me off the table mid exam.

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mommymichael had this to say, May 30, 2010 @ 5:38 pm (Quote)

“get your bleep bleep hands off me.”

that’s disgusting.

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Becca had this to say, May 30, 2010 @ 6:08 pm (Quote)

Barforama

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Heather P had this to say, May 30, 2010 @ 6:11 pm (Quote)

Yuck, and double yuck.

If an OB had said something like this to my husband, not only might he have decked him, but the two of us would have been out of his office so fast he wouldn’t know what had hit him.

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Heather P Reply:
May 30th, 2010 at 6:15 pm Heather P(Quote)

Oops, I just noticed that this was said during a vaginal exam during labor. I think Dr. Pervert would have been fired on the spot. I wouldn’t have cared if he was the only doctor in the hospital or not, he wouldn’t be catching my baby.

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fischer momma had this to say, May 30, 2010 @ 6:43 pm (Quote)

I am in shock!!!
What the he__ was that creep thinking???
He seems like the kind of doc who might be in the profession for the wrong reasons.

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Sheva had this to say, May 30, 2010 @ 8:38 pm (Quote)

EEEW!
I’m actually grimacing at the computer.
That is SO disgusting, not to mention creepy, inappropriate, and a whole slew of other words.
eew…..
Please, please, OP, tell us what you did, or what you plan to do to report and destroy this doc’s reputation.
I hope you share this story with any woman in your area who you know is using this doc.
I don’t think it would be libel, I think it would be saving them from sexual harassment, and, with such a creepy comment, possibly borderline rape/sexual assault issues.
And go on the Birth Survey. Can someone chime in here – where is that survey? Is that the one at the top of this website?
And Joint Commissions, http://www.jointcommission.org/
and write a letter to the head of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the hospital, and the Administrator, too.
Anyone have any other ideas? Oh, and if he’s not the head of the practice, then send it to the head of his practice, too.
I’m sorry for your experience. That’s just horrible.

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Kate had this to say, May 30, 2010 @ 10:14 pm (Quote)

Wow! Please tell me the husband punched him. I abhore violence, but in this case it would seem entirely appropriate!

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laura had this to say, May 30, 2010 @ 10:32 pm (Quote)

My response when this popped up in my reader? An audible “Eeeeyuuuk…” So wrong in so many ways, I don’t even know where to start. I do hope mama called the state licensing board on this perv.

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laura Reply:
May 30th, 2010 at 10:36 pm laura(Quote)

Sorry, had to add: this was DURING a vaginal exam!! DURING a FREAKING vaginal exam? What the hell was he thinking?

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Jane Reply:
May 31st, 2010 at 5:12 am Jane(Quote)

It’s a territorial thing. You know, the same way dogs will mark a fence post or a fire hydrant? Well the doctor is doing the same thing by putting his hands inside a woman, ostensibly just to do his job, but then marking his territory with the verbal shot at the husband. It’s a way of putting the baby’s father “in his place” so he stands back and lets the doctor be the alpha male during the birth.

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Lauren Reply:
May 31st, 2010 at 6:28 am Lauren(Quote)

Jane, you hit the nail on the head as usual. Wow. This is just appalling.

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Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
May 31st, 2010 at 7:00 am Sarah Dorrance-Minch(Quote)

Bingo.

Which makes me suspect the doctor’s motives for choosing his particular medical specialty.

I hope he eventually gets enough complaints to the medical board that he loses his license… Hah. As if.

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Jane Reply:
May 31st, 2010 at 7:05 am Jane(Quote)

The doctor would probably do the same thing if he were a podiatrist. Anyone in any profession can get territorial. It just sounds less offensive if someone says “I bet you never let another man give your wife a foot rub!”

It’s just a submission thing. Get the husband to acknowledge he’s in the doctor’s territory and the husband is less likely to question afterward.

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Sarah Dorrance-Minch had this to say, May 31, 2010 @ 6:50 am (Quote)

It’s not up to the husband who gets “allowed” in bed with her, it’s up to the wife. (And what of she’s one of the small but vocal poly minority? Not that I think ANY woman would appreciate being talked about in the third person and objectified like that, especially not with the culprit’s hand up her private parts, but it’s always a bad idea to assume.)

What a swine.

I wonder if he, too, would have branded the woman’s uterus if she’d been under the knife, the way that one doctor from Kentucky did? After all, that, too, is another way of asserting dominance and ownership.

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Mary Reply:
May 31st, 2010 at 10:07 pm Mary(Quote)

This is exactly what I was thinking upon reading this. What a creep!

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Jessica had this to say, May 31, 2010 @ 7:38 am (Quote)

Leave it to an OB to be completely inappropriate during an exam. I bet he’s one that likes to put in the “husband stitch” after delivery, too. Perv!

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Cedar had this to say, May 31, 2010 @ 12:54 pm (Quote)

I read this several minutes ago and still feel physically nauseated with disgust!

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Mistie had this to say, May 31, 2010 @ 2:23 pm (Quote)

I’ve always wondered why a man would choose the field of looking at (and feeling) vaginas all day.

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Kit Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 11:30 am Kit(Quote)

Well, sometimes it isn’t nastyness.

My cousin’s OB went into the line of work after his mother died in childbirth. He doesn’t talk about it much, but he’s been “the” family “baby doc” since my 48 y.o. “aunt” was born, and he discussed it with me once. His mother went into labor and the OB she had wasn’t paying her much attention and just kept telling her to push and that if she couldn;t push out a “little 8 monther” she wasn’t much of a woman.

Both her and baby died. Baby was turned sideways.

So the “good doc” (the OB telling the story) when he entered medical school and was choosing a specialty decided that he wanted to save other women and babies.

And honestly, if I had to have an OB, he’d be my choice. He cares, he listens, his sense of humor is a bit skewed like ours, and he thinks C-sections are “butchery that should be a last possible option.”

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Mistie Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 12:22 pm Mistie(Quote)

Now *that’s* a male OB I can respect. Thank you for sharing Kit.

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Kirsten had this to say, May 31, 2010 @ 2:39 pm (Quote)

Sounds like he’s practised that line, too. I wonder how many other husbands have had that thrown at them and been expected to accept it like some sort of male conspiratorial joke.

Truly vomitworthy.

Mistie, I’ve wondered the same, since for many of them it’s obviously not a fascination with the amazing power of a woman’s body to grow and birth a baby without help!

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Nurse had this to say, May 31, 2010 @ 6:40 pm (Quote)

How vulgar

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beccaisadoula had this to say, Jun 1, 2010 @ 4:23 am (Quote)

Caution: Recipients and subjects of crude comments may lash out physically.

Sorry, I don’t believe in dealing with things physically, but if anyone made this comment about me to my husband, he would have my husband’s steel toed boots so far up his butt… ugh…

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CCindy had this to say, Jun 1, 2010 @ 6:55 am (Quote)

Whether he was trying to be funny or trying to be territorial He needs to STFU!

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cheeks023 had this to say, Jun 1, 2010 @ 11:05 am (Quote)

my husband wouldn’t have had a chance to hit him, because I would have picked up one of my feet and kicked him straight in the face.

**Maybe that’s why I don’t give birth in the hospital?

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Dee had this to say, Jun 1, 2010 @ 6:41 pm (Quote)

PLEAASE tell me this guy was censored or reprimanded or something. That goes beyond poor social skills into debauchery…

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CCindy Reply:
June 3rd, 2010 at 11:48 am CCindy(Quote)

I doubt it. After reading Jane’s take on the territorial spin I’m wondering if this is something they were taught to say in their residency especially in the early 70′s when daddy started to be allowed in the room. Of course I think this doc is twisting it a bit since he shouldn’t be “in the bed” or on the exam table literally.

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