Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
May
30
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“I Like Girls, It Is Good For Business.”
“I like girls, it’s good for business.” – OB to mother who found out during a second trimester ultrasound that she was having a girl.
There are 32 comments to this post.
Sarah Dorrance-Minch had this to say,
May 30, 2010 @ 4:54 am
At first I thought, “How creepy,” but I quickly realized that this is just a severe case of overconfidence and self-flattery.
Sheva Reply:
May 30th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
I agree. Very self-important. But for the first time ever on this site, I don’t see the bad in this comment. But like a few other people said, we don’t know the context, the tone of voice, etc. so I hope mom can explain. I will gladly get mad at the doc for her!
The Deranged Housewife had this to say,
May 30, 2010 @ 5:10 am
As if. Something I plan on teaching my daughter is that you CAN VBAC, and pregnancy and birth is NOT an illness! 
Sheva Reply:
May 30th, 2010 at 12:15 pm
Yes! I teach my 7 year old about pregnancy, birth, and mostly, that it’s all natural, and not a sickness! Even my little almost 2 year old daughter knows the answers – I ask her, are you going to have a midwife? Yes! And you’ll have your babies at home? Yes! Who cares if it’s brainwashing and training? That’s what our mothers, our friends, tv shows, and the media have been doing for ages. I’m also allowed to be biased.
JPeaslee Reply:
May 31st, 2010 at 7:42 pm
Uh, she didn’t say it was an illness. Overreact much?
Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 6:06 am
These days, it’s better to overreact than underreact where the obstetric establishment is concerned. The handful of truly supportive, sensible obstetricians, the ones who see birth for what it is (a natural and healthy family event – right from the start, NOT in retrospect) are vastly outnumbered by the ones who practice defensive medicine, micromanagement, and other approaches that reduce a healthy labouring woman to the status of invalid.
So what sounds like overreaction is, from the perspective of the mother who has been through the medical mill and endured unnecessary interventions including preventable surgery (i.e. most of us) merely self defense.
Jessica had this to say,
May 30, 2010 @ 6:26 am
Totally! Just move us on down the assembly line!
suzanne had this to say,
May 30, 2010 @ 6:43 am
I think anyone who is offended by this, unless it was said in a super creepy voice, needs to toughen up a bit.
He probably says, “I like boys! Blah, blah, blah” when the baby is a boy.
We talk about how we want our OBs to be more human, but the minute they make any comment, we take offense.
leah Reply:
May 30th, 2010 at 7:27 am
Thanks suzanne! I agree totally. The fact is MOST women go to OBs. Not all OBs are bad and not all women have a bad experience.
Suzanne Reply:
May 30th, 2010 at 7:32 am
I think that most women have good experiences. I’ve had two babies, both with OBs attending and the only negative part was that the hospital was completely full so I had roommates.
Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
May 30th, 2010 at 2:32 pm
I HATED my OB, not just because of our vastly differing philosophies of birth, but because of personality conflict. We just didn’t get along. It wasn’t entirely rational, I don’t think – we rubbed each other the wrong way from the moment I transferred to his office (for transportation reasons – we had lost our family car, could not afford to replace it, and I had to go to the only care provider in walking distance who would accept my Medicaid coverage. Most care providers in the immediate area did not take Medicaid patients.)
I think that has a lot to do with why some births go wrong, even though in theory the mother “got what she wanted” – a VBAC, or an unmedicated birth, or whatever.
Birth is intimate, just like sex. Unlike sex, which we are likely to engage in several thousand times in our lifespans, we only give birth a handful of times. Even Mrs Duggar has only given birth to what? twenty babies? Compared to the likely number of times she has had sex, that’s really not very many.
Having somebody stand or squat by your crotch while you engage in this extremely intimate, no-holds-barred activity (grunting, swearing, singing, breathing heavily, peeing, pooping, bleeding, thrashing, etc – any number of these things are normal, and more) is a really bad idea. We don’t generally have sex with people we hate, and we’re a lot less vulnerable when we have sex than when we give birth.
This could be why some births just crap out and stall.
Also why some births feel like being raped.
Simply being available, approved by the insurance carrier, etc should not be the only criterion for choosing a birth attendant. If it’s down to choosing a doctor or midwife I hate (or at least don’t feel comfortable near), and going unassisted, I’ll go unassisted. I think it would be safer and easier, all things considered.
Dee Reply:
May 30th, 2010 at 4:04 pm
I hated my (female) OB for the same reasons. We clashed almost immediately. I should have changed, but we were new in town due to job transfer, and I knew not a soul. Also, it was the same practice my doula/Bradley instructor used, so I thought it would be okay. Never went back after the 6 week appt. Found a closer male OB-GYN who is a great doc.
Holly Reply:
May 30th, 2010 at 7:53 am
My (female) ob said this to me when she found out I was having twin girls. I thought it was funny!
Erin had this to say,
May 30, 2010 @ 6:52 am
Unless I’m missing something, I think this one is cute.
Heather P Reply:
May 30th, 2010 at 7:21 am
Me too. I guess we’re missing the context. Boys can just as easily be good for business since they’re kind of integral in the conception process too.
laura Reply:
May 30th, 2010 at 11:26 am
Me three. I hope the OP can shed some light on why this was problematic, because it just seems like cute banter. At least doc is trying to be sweet! Throw him/her a bone.
Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 6:26 am
Bone-throwing is a Thursday activity, isn’t it? Although it’s more like filet mognon throwing, I would imagine.
If the person who submitted the comment sent it to this forum as an example of her obstetrician saying “WHAT?!?” then she had her reasons for doing so. I would rather assume that her reasons were good ones than “throw the poor OB a bone,it couldn’t have been that bad,” all things considered.
Sarah Dorrance-Minch Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 6:28 am
Filet MIGNON. Sorry, I’m really not a morning person…
laura Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 6:38 am
I’ve found your anthropological musings interesting on the “Questions about the mother…” thread, Sarah!
I certainly do assume that she was offended by it; I simply don’t have a problem with commenters admitting that, out of context, it’s hard to know why this particular comment was selected to be posted. I’ve submitted a few comments I found incredibly offensive even apart from the context of the conversation, but they haven’t been posted, so sometimes I wonder why the mod(s) choose one comment over another.
I guess I just don’t think we need to legislate how people should or shouldn’t be allowed to react to an OB’s remark. I was seeking clarification — obviously, if the OP didn’t find it offensive, the comment wouldn’t have been submitted — and I think others were too. I also am anxious to avoid the sort of “groupthink” mentality that never allows us to question the cruelty or stupidity of the Friday thru Wednesday comments without being perceived to be denigrating another woman’s experiences.
I do wholeheartedly (!!!) agree that this is not the place for Mommy Wars and that we all need to remember that so far the tone and discourse here have managed to be civil and friendly, and keep it that way. I think part of maintaining a civil tone is the ability to shrug, laugh, and move on to something TRULY atrocious, because Lord knows there are enough of THOSE OB comments here!! 
laura Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 6:42 am
One last quick note: no one’s perception is perfect. It’s possible that some of the comments here are based on a small or large misunderstanding or miscommunication, and I think recognizing that doesn’t undermine our collective desire to see women respected by the obstetric community. In fact, failure to recognize our opponents’ strengths or our weaknesses (however few and far between, LOL!) rather plays into their hands, doesn’t it?
Hilary had this to say,
May 30, 2010 @ 8:35 am
You never know how it was said to the person who submitted it, or what impact it had on them — but from just reading it, this one made me laugh out loud 
CCindy Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 7:16 am
Yeah but I bet the moderator knows! So my question becomes why did the moderator not proide the full story? What else did the OB say or do that made this particular remark so objectionable? Do you want all OB’s to go into robot mode and not say anything that could possibly be taken the wrong way by a small group of people. Or do you want OB’s to learn that if you pop off with this just after you said or did that that the combination makes you look like an ass. Isn’t the object to learn and improve. Well, also for the mothers to vent. How great a vent is it if the mod leaves out the most important detail and makes you look like an over sensitive fool!
Lucia had this to say,
May 30, 2010 @ 1:40 pm
Er, not for your business. My daughters are going to learn birth is natural and Drs are for SICK people 
.
I didn’t find this one too offensive, but it doesn’t make my above comment any less true
Jpeaslee Reply:
May 31st, 2010 at 7:44 pm
You know, there’s nothing wrong with having a doctor involved in the birthing process. Maybe you could explain to your daughter that while doctors aren’t necessary, she won’t be WRONG for using one? You know, give her a real choice in the matter, rather than trying tho shove your opinions down her throat?
Lucia Reply:
May 31st, 2010 at 9:56 pm
We have a 1% homebirth rate in this country. I plan to make sure they understand the risks of each and I pray that maternity care changes DRASTICALLY in the next 20-40 years so that if/when they choose to have children they won’t have to be worried about being birth raped in a hospital like their mother was or sliced open under some false pretense of need. I’m going to teach them that birth is a normal natural process. Indoctrination, yes. Shoving my opinion, no… well unless you’re an OB and are attacking me because you want their future business. I don’t think that hospital birth in this day and age is safe in the USA and I hope that my daughters never have to face the kind of system that I have had to face and if they do, I hope they choose homebirth with a midwife. If they do choose to brave the hosptial then I’ll be there fighting for each and every choice she makes for herself.
Suzanne Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 2:21 am
Wow. I can tell you’ve had bad experiences, but not all (nor even most) women do. I’ve had two births with OBs and both were fine experiences.
I’m a good pusher and both my babies have come out quickly once pushing starts–everyone comments that they look like c-section babies because there isn’t time for head moulding.
Anyway, with my youngest, I’m very glad he was in a hospital, as he had an initial APGAR of 3. Additionally, about 15 hours after he was born, he started to choke. You know, how they do deep suctioning on c-section babies because the fluids aren’t squeezed out of his lungs? Well, he came out so fast he had the same problem.
The nurse tried to use the little bulb syringe, but it wasn’t enough and they had to take him to the nursery to suction him.
So, yeah, I’m glad he was born in a hospital. Hospitals aren’t all bad. If you teach your daughters that OBs are just scary monsters, it might convince them to stay away when they really do need help.
I’m all in favor of home birth (my mother was a free birther), but you need to keep things in perspective.
Trish had this to say,
May 31, 2010 @ 8:30 am
Depending on the context, isn’t this just a joke?
Kit had this to say,
May 31, 2010 @ 2:15 pm
My cousin’s OB said almost the same thing when he saw her daughter on the screen. (Exact wording: “Oh! Isn’t she beautiful. I like little girls… Maybe I’ll be seeing HER daughter on here one day.”) We all laughed.
Then at a difrent pregnancy, when he saw a boy: “Oh wow! What a cutie. I like little boys, but they don’t come back to see me as often as the girls.” We laughed then too. Honestly he’s a really good doctor, but he does joke a lot.
(BTW: Same doc who came into the recovery room of my other cousin after the c-section, holding the baby and telling her “Here’s your trophy… you made a great one!” or something like that.)
Breanna had this to say,
May 31, 2010 @ 3:47 pm
I actually don’t think this is offensive, I think it’s funny Lol.
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Ha ha ha ha… I like this one! More girls=more women=more pregnancies=more business. Makes sense!