Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Apr
21
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“A Gentleman Waits For The Placenta To Pass.”
“A gentleman waits for the placenta to pass.” -OB to a husband when the husband inquired how long the couple should wait to have sex after the baby is born.
There are 52 comments to this post.
Was this the same OB who was yanking on the umbilical cord as if he could prevent the end of the world if only he pulled hard enough?
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Heather P Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 7:17 am (Quote)
No, it was my OB who was that cord puller. I lost four times as much blood from that birth as I did from my homebirth where nobody touched the cord. But I guess its okay because she gave me pit before she started yanking to “prevent bleeding”. 
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Mary Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 9:07 am (Quote)
Ugh. I hate reading the callous disregard OBs have for women. My last hospital birth, the OB yanked on the cord so hard (exactly 10 seconds after birth) that she yanked out my entire uterus.
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Heather P Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 11:29 am (Quote)
I was surprised that my uterus didn’t come out. It felt like it was, but my placenta let go in time. It makes the thoughtful thursdays all the more touching when you hear about OBs like yours and mine.
I wonder if they were the same person.
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Oh, so THAT’S why they have to inject pit and yank on the cord. Wouldn’t want the husband to have to wait an extra 3 minutes…
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Chrsitine M. Reply:
April 4th, 2011 at 6:30 am (Quote)
ROFLMBO!! I’m sorry, but I’m about ready to pee my pants at Leah’s response! My husband is VERY pro-homebirth and I can imagine how his uncanny sense of humor would interpret a comment like the Dr’s and a response like Leah’s! They say to laugh through childbirth….this link would be a good one to highlight for that time!
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Does anyone else think this one is kindof funny? He’s obviously joking. We can’t tell from this post if he was a cord yanker or not so without more information, it just sounds like a bit of rather silly humor.
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Oddly I think this is kind of funny. I know I’m judging when I do it but it urkes me when dads are asking docs these questions, I want to scream “ask your wife, she’ll tell you when she’s able and more importantly actually interested!”
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RachelOdom had this to say,
Apr 21, 2010 @ 5:30 am (Quote)
As has been said before, if it ended up here, it hurt the moms feelings.
I, however, not being there, find humor in it. lol
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I am sorry, he’s right – doctor’s talking about lochia not the delivery of the placenta, men don’t understand that they really for the good of their wife/partner need to wait. This is funny since the Dr. is chiding the father, but it’s not a dig on the mother at all or the process.
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Knitted in the Womb Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 8:38 am (Quote)
Is there really any evidence to support any waiting period beyond what the woman wants? I will admit to *initiating* sex 6 days after the birth of my 3rd child–it was Valentine’s Day–I just insisted that hubby wear a condom just in case there really was some truth to the idea that semen shouldn’t be near the placental site.
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Elizabeth Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 11:46 am (Quote)
I’d like to know too, I always thought sex, exercise, etc were up to the woman to start again when comfortable. My husband and I started having sex again 3 days after our second!
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Sarah Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 12:26 pm (Quote)
They way I have understood it…you wait until the bleeding stops. The bleeding is from what is basically an open wound where the placenta detached. As long as you are bleeding, it isn’t completely healed. Introducing a penis and semen can introduce germs and semen. It’s not a matter of days or weeks, but a matter of being healed or not. You’re supposed to wait until you’ve stopped bleeding. Anyhow…that’s how a CNM and her assistant explained it to me.
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Chrsitine M. Reply:
April 4th, 2011 at 6:38 am (Quote)
After my second, we, also, waiting only 3 or four days. Even at 22, I trusted my body to tell me that it was safe for us to resume relations…and loved it! 
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I actually like this one, it’s like he was chiding the father for being insensitive. 
My hubby knew better to ask such a thing right after I gave birth. I would have hit him.
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Kat Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 7:12 am (Quote)
Well, if the OB was “chiding” the mother we’d say he’s being paternalistic, overbearing, etc. We’d say how these arrogant doctors think it’s their place to “correct” us for asking questions.
Why is it the doctor’s place to “chide” the father instead of answering him?
We don’t know what the couple’s marriage is like, but since the OB’s remark was submitted, it seems maybe the wife didn’t mind the husband asking a legitimate question, but DID mind the OB being dismissive.
In any case, to refuse to answer a legitimate medical question, and to do so by being sarcastic and rude is unprofessional behavior.
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Emily Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 7:40 am (Quote)
Seriously? I’m a CNM and I definitely joke around with my clients, veering into sarcasm.
I don’t think it’s rude and I have a great relationship with my clients. I don’t believe they think it’s rude either.
I haven’t been confronted with this particular situation, but as far as I’m concerned, pregnancy, labor, and delivery are normal processes. As long as everything is progressing normally, I generally prefer to keep the mood in the room light. I don’t consider that “chiding” either the mother or the father.
However, I can say that I have known this couple through the entire pregnancy (if not through a previous pregnancy as well), have attended them through the entire active labor (since I labor sit) and have been there through the entire birth. I’d like to think that my social skills are intact enough to know when joking is appropriate and when it is not. I thought that the OBs comment was really quite humorous. Perhaps he followed it up with “nothing in the vagina for 6 weeks postpartum” or “when your wife feels ready for intercourse.” We are only seeing a tiny snippet of information. Most of the things posted on this site, I find appalling. This one was funny.
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Emily Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 7:41 am (Quote)
To clarify, “them” in the last paragraph does not refer to the couple in the original post. Just a generic “them” as in a couple who are my clients.
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Jane Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 8:09 am (Quote)
My experience is that a good midwife knows her clients well enough (by having spent time with them and listening to them) to know whether they’ll respond well to jokes, sarcasm, or irony. And that with those who will respond well,they let loose. Mine certainly did, but then again, I was laughing just as hard as they were.
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Micah Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 8:38 am (Quote)
Eh, I just don’t agree with you Kat. I really don’t see the big deal in this statement. I think a lot of times the women on this site just want to bash every OB for everything/anything they’ve ever said. Most of the quotes on this site definitely require that kind of response, but not this one IMO.
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Michelle Potter Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 12:57 pm (Quote)
I agree and disagree. I don’t mind a doctor making the occasional joke, as long as it is not obviously inappropriate (for example, jokes while mom is trying to deal with a serious situation like heavy bleeding or the loss of her child). I probably would have just smiled at this joke and not thought anything of it.
However, I would also like my husband to be free to ask the doctor any question and get a serious answer. Our relationship is such that it goes without saying that we won’t be having sex again until I am ready and interested (and not until HE is ready and interested, too), so I would automatically assume he was asking the doctor about when it is medically safe. No reason to object to that, and I certainly wouldn’t want him to feel chided or dismissed when asking this or any other question.
Since someone submitted this quote, I am guessing they either felt the doctor was being dismissive or inappropriate (maybe they just don’t like strangers making jokes about their sex life), or else there was more to the story.
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It may have seemed funny to the doctor, but it didn’t even actually answer the question medically!
The husband asked a legitimate question, about the typical recovery time before a couple can safely resume physical intimacy. The doctor made a sarcastic/crude/inappropriate remark in response. How hard is it to say “We advise that you wait 6 weeks or until the bleeding has stopped to allow the uterus to fully heal.”
Yuck.
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While he may have been chiding the father for being insensitive its not actually accurate. The placenta is out within minutes of the birth. Lochia takes much longer. Maybe the father thinks as soon as the placenta is out he can get it on. Ew.
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Jane Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 7:22 am (Quote)
One mom did tell me that the night she got home from the hospital, her husband made a move on her,and she said, “Are you kidding?”
Every pregnancy book out there has guidelines on when it’s safe to resume sexual intercourse, so it’s not a stupid question nor a bad question nor an insensitive question. We don’t know when it was asked, either (at the 5th month appointment,for example, it would be a fine time to ask. If the father asked while the OB was still stitching the episiotomy, that would require a certain wisecracking response.)
I did think it was funny from an onlooker’s POV, but there’s added unintentional irony if the OB is a cord-yanker.
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Micah Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 8:39 am (Quote)
See I assumed it was right after a birth, which is why I thought a wisecrack response was appropriate.
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laura Reply:
April 22nd, 2010 at 6:52 am (Quote)
My mother told me a story about a dear friend of hers who went home from the hospital in her pre-pregnancy jeans and was intimate with her husband. When she went in to her pediatrician a few days later he was *horrified*. It was her first baby and no-one had told her!
BTW, the mama who submitted this explained on the thread above this one, “We have to cut the cord…”
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I agree – it depends so much on when the father asked this question. Right after the birth, and he deserved a bit of a dig. It’s always a valid question, (all questions are) but at the birth would be the wrong time and place.
I think most experts agree, though, that 6 weeks is about right.
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Adrienne Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 8:24 am (Quote)
I don’t know if “most experts agree” on 6 weeks… what I’ve mostly heard is when the bleeding stops (which can be as little as 2 weeks) or whenever mom feels up to it. The 6-week-thing is typically an OB thing, more so they can discuss birth control at the 6-week check up than because it takes a full 6 weeks to heal. But then, some women don’t feel up to it by 6 weeks anyway, so “whenever mom feels up to it” is probably best…
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Jane Reply:
April 21st, 2010 at 9:59 am (Quote)
I’ve heard it that way too: they don’t want the mother to be having intercourse before she’s gone to the OB to talk about birth control, and since the OB sees you at six weeks,that’s what they recommend. If the OB saw you at 4 weeks, 2 months, 3 days after birth–welll, that’s what they’d recommend too.
After my daughter died, they saw me at 2 weeks PP and for that birth, it was “two weeks” (although the midwives agreed when I would ask them why the magical six weeks that it had nothing to do with anything, and go ahead as we saw fit once the bleeding stopped.)
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This one would be funny but my brain has the image of what my mum went through with my father as soon as she got home from a near fatal ectopic pregnancy (ruptured.) My father asked the doctor the same question but I don’t know what the doctor’s reply was.
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Not to offend the person who submitted this, but I think it’s kind of funny and I also think it sounds like sarcasm aimed at the husband. As if the OB is saying, “At least let the placenta come out first.”
And a Gentleman actually doesn’t even ask after the baby is born, It makes him sound like a sex crazed jerk. He should have that discussion while the woman was still pregnant, and then just wait until she goes to him when her body is ready. 
)
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I actually think this doctor deserves a bit of a pat on the back. This mom hasn’t even finished giving birth, and her husband who I assume just watched his wife push a baby out of her vagina is wondering when he can get some. The doctor is standing up for the woman here, by subtly pointing out that perhaps that’s not a good thing to be worrying about when his wife only moments ago birthed a baby. Did the dad not notice or process or understand what his wife’s vagina just went through? The dad is the insensitive one here, not the doctor.
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Jessica Reply:
April 23rd, 2010 at 3:14 pm (Quote)
I totally agree. I got the impression that the doctor was trying to find a polite way to tell the dad he’s way out of line for even suggesting sex at that moment.
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nicole Reply:
April 24th, 2010 at 7:15 am (Quote)
I agree also. It was a slight dig to the father to ask a question at an insensitive moment. I think it’s hilarious and I would have cracked up! And since we only know a snippet of the story, the doctor might have gone on to explain further.
Also, we don’t know if this was submitted by a woman who was upset and offended, or because she thought it was quirky .
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Michelle Potter had this to say,
Apr 21, 2010 @ 1:24 pm (Quote)
Personally, I think this quote sounds like an innocent joke, and it wouldn’t have bothered me. I am guessing there must be more to it — either the doctor had not bothered to form a good relationship with the parents and so they don’t appreciate him acting like he’s their friend, or maybe they just don’t like having strangers make jokes about their sex life (as a mom of 7, I can tell you that gets real old real fast), or maybe they felt like the doctor was being dismissive of dad’s question.
Somehow, I just do not see the dad as being a bad guy here. For one thing, if the mom submitted this quote, she obviously didn’t appreciate the doctor’s response, which leads one to assume that she didn’t have a problem with her husband’s question.
Secondly, I’d give the husband the benefit of the doubt that a) he already realizes that sex isn’t happening until his wife feels up to it; b) he and his wife have a good enough relationship that she’s not going to assume he’s suddenly become a sex-crazed jerk when he wasn’t before; and c) he knows his wife well enough to know whether asking that question is going to upset her. I wouldn’t be upset at my husband for asking that question, even if I was in the middle of pushing, because I know him well enough to know that it probably just occurred to him and he doesn’t want to forget to ask. If I had the presence of mind, I would probably make fun of him — maybe even the same joke this OB made, and he’d probably respond with a crude joke about what I could do for him until then — but I wouldn’t be mad because I KNOW he isn’t actually a jerk. And I would want his question to be answered, because if he asks the doctor a question, he deserves an answer. If this doctor WAS actually trying to hint that dad was being a jerk and that his question didn’t deserve an answer, well, if I was the wife I’d be ticked.
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We are all assuming that the doctor didn’t answer when he/she could have and the submitter didn’t state that. Just because it was posted here does not necessarily mean that the submitter was offended, she could have thought it was funny and the site is called “My OB Said What” and not “Horrible Comments Made To Me By Medical Professionals”. My husband was ready to start trying for another in the hospital room.
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I have to agree with Mistie on this one. My gut reaction to this physicians statement was “let me at least get the placenta out before you jump her bones” Of course you would have had to be there to understand the relationship between the couple and doctor. It appears dad asked a serious question and deserved a serious answer. The 6 weeks followinf delivery is considered the post partum period; a time of healing the vagina and uterus. It is an infection control issue. The bacteria that normally exist in the vagina and on the penis that normally doesn’t give any problems to the couple now has a pathway to infect the uterus. This happened to me. My husband came home on leave, one thing led to another and I found myself happy but compromised at 4 weeks. Lord, my exam was very painful which resulted in two rounds of antibiotics. I always tell my couples this story and emphysized the possibility of infection. I follow up with mom encouraging her to have condoms in the house because things happen. I wish I had just a penny for the number of 10 month babies I’ve helped deliver over the years.
There is a healthcare provider that is looking for women that have had a baby in the last 12 months, not currently pregnant, english speaking and between the ages of 18 and 42 years of age. This is for her doctorate. Please take a look and fill it out. The survey site is:
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/bonding
Thanks,
TheaMarie
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VW Reply:
April 22nd, 2010 at 1:22 pm (Quote)
too bad you have to reside in the US to participate ;-(
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Nurse Reply:
April 22nd, 2010 at 3:55 pm (Quote)
I didn’t know that, nor had I realized the far reaching places this site covered. Yes, it’s a shame you have to live in the US. If your baby was born in the US, I would think you could take the survey. I couldn’t review the survey, but I’m assuming and that has bitten me in the tail before, that it will really open the eyes of those at this university of what is needed for our women’s childbirth experiences. It’s a small change but it’s a closer one to what we would like to see achieved. You know physicians are not required to take a lecture on social skills because it’s assumed that their mama beat it into them when they were little. I am sorry for misleading this group about the survey ;however, that particular information was not available to me. Please, Please guys….take this survey and voice your experiences.
Thea
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Haha- A funny aside to this… my hubby asked our midwives when… it would be okay… and they said as long as I was up for it we could in the shower with condoms… and he would have to be gentle… his response… “nah” haha I def could not have waited 6 weeks the hubsters left for training 17 days after #1 was born… and it looks like he’ll be deploying soon after this one too! plus maybe we’re just too horny… haha!
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I was discussing “how long to wait” with my midwife (an RN) and she mentioned that she had a theory… that women are “super-fertile” directly after birth, due to all of the massive hormone changes and surges (she also has delivered quite a few 10 month postpartum siblings). She recommends waiting 6 weeks not only for healing, but to give the body a chance to regulate it’s hormone levels, to prevent another pregnancy.
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Knitted in the Womb Reply:
April 26th, 2010 at 9:43 pm (Quote)
I have to wonder how many of those women were formula feeding before they left the hospital?
I ask because research has shown that if a woman is breastfeeding exclusively, she only has a 1% chance of ovulating prior to her first postpartum menstrual cycle. I know of course that women can get pregnant while breastfeeding–I’ve done it twice–but each time the conception occurred at 11 months post-partum.
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Paige Reply:
April 26th, 2010 at 9:52 pm (Quote)
I guess I should have clarified… *homebirth* midwife… I assume 99% of her clients breast feed.
My impression was that not many of her clients had sex within 6 weeks of birth, but that of the few that did, she saw a huge increase in fertility. Again… just her impression, not a clinical study. But enough to make we want to wait six weeks just to be sure!
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Gross
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