Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Mar
10
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“You Are So Lucky You Get To Sleep.”
“You are so lucky you get to sleep. ” – NICU nurse with a 8 week old to mother who’s baby was in the NICU.
There are 18 comments to this post.
Dear Everyone:
Please do not try to comfort people by saying you’ve found the silver lining within their personal tragedy or their personal stress. You just add to the stress that way and it sounds ridiculous.
Love,
Everyone Else
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Kat Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 6:03 am (Quote)
Yes yes a thousand times yes.
The two words “At least” should never be used with:
Families dealing with terminal illness
Families dealing with very sick children
People grieving the death of a loved one of any age
Basically anyone who is in a situation where it is likely they are hurting emotionally.
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Sheva Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 7:12 am (Quote)
You know those books that have letters for every occasion? You should write a variation one of those!! 
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Kat Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 9:24 am (Quote)
It’s actually really really simple:
When someone is grieving a death, and you don’t know what to say:
“I am so sorry for your loss.”
or even
“I just don’t know what to say, but I am thinking of you.”
Ten thousand million times better than ANY sentence beginning with “At least…”
In my experience, there is no sentence beginning with those two words that is not going to end badly.
For someone who is sick/has a sick family member:
“How can I help?”
“I am thinking of you/praying for you” (depending on the family’s religious preferences, some non-religious families welcome prayers from friends, some prefer you to use more religion-neutral language).
Those actually cover just about any sad situation you could encounter.
When in doubt, keep your mouth shut, give them a hug, and just be quiet with them, or listen.
Listening > talking.
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The Deranged Housewife had this to say,
Mar 10, 2010 @ 6:57 am (Quote)
Yes, and you are lucky I don’t turn around and smack you right in the face. As if you can sleep soundly at night knowing your child is still in the hospital, separated from you. WTF?!
Because we all know it’s all about sleep, right? Your child should be sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old, what’s wrong with him?
Ack.
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I still ache when I think of myself sleeping through the night, while my little preemie (now 7) was in the hospital. I knew I couldn’t do anything for her, and that the best thing right then was for me to get my strength up for when she got home, but it still broke my heart.
When in doubt, don’t say anything. Even a pat on the shoulder would have been better than this comment.
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There’s a verse that comes to mind: Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue. Proverbs 17:28
It probably applies to most the terrible things I read here.
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On another note, does anybody else wonder wth the NICU nurse was doing at work?!? Even if it was an adoption, she should be home with that baby! Just sayin’…
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Kat Reply:
March 11th, 2010 at 7:42 am (Quote)
That would be ideal… but lots of places only allow for 6 weeks of maternity leave, if you want to keep your job.
She may have wanted to stay home, but couldn’t for any number of reasons. Regardless of her personal situation, her remark was rude and uncalled for.
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My first spent 32 days in the NICU and, regardless of having to pump every 3 hours, I didn’t sleep well a single night he was in there. I spent most of the nights (got sick and couldn’t be there for a few days) there with him, either by his crib or in a room within hearing distance of his cries, and I still couldn’t sleep well. First decent sleep I got was when we took him home!
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Add Your Comment.
I had a variation of that with my preemie, a coworker said I should take advantage of it and get a full night’s sleep. Which I couldn’t do anyway, I was up every 4 hours pumping. At least it wasn’t a nurse and she didn’t use the “lucky” word…
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Jessica Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 6:03 pm Jessica(Quote)
Hopefully, it was in your best interest in order to get some needed rest. Still, “taking advantage” of any such situation is the greatest oxymoron.
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