Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Mar
7
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“You Just Want To Be A Martyr To The Pain.”
“You just want to be a martyr to the pain.” -L&D Nurse to mother on telephone, when mother asked about the likelihood of having a non-medicated birth at that facility.
There are 26 comments to this post.
Natalie Torres had this to say,
Mar 7, 2010 @ 5:03 pm (Quote)
Haylee… so right! If this is the attitude I will encounter at your hospital, I will go elsewhere. That nurse would not be supportive of your decisions!
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That’s right Nurse Ratchet. No mother EVER chooses to birth unmedicated because she has researched, and believes medications come with a specific set of risks. No one has allergies to pain medications, phobias of needles that make the idea of an epidural frightening, or dislikes the effects of pain medications on their body or mental state.
We are all just masochistic, have martyr-complexes, and live to make your life difficult. Thanks for your “support.”
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The Deranged Housewife had this to say,
Mar 7, 2010 @ 6:27 pm (Quote)
Wow. Where to begin? How about, “Um, thank you! Click!” as she hangs up on her.
Reminds me of how in Ricki Lake’s video they interview a panel of OB residents and NONE of them have attended a med-free birth. Lovely.
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Why is it that when guys do something courageous and and even painful it’s cool and bada$$, but when it’s women involved, they’re “just being martyrs?”
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Heather P Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 8:09 am (Quote)
You’re right.
I never felt stronger in my life than right after I had given birth both times. I felt like I had done quite an accomplishment. I felt like I could climb a mountain. But I guess I was just being a martyr and wanted my medal.
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The Deranged Housewife Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 6:03 pm (Quote)
I believe my mom said she felt like she could get up and run a marathon, and this was after laboring all day and delivering me at almost midnight. 
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when i had my daughter after 10 hours of back labor, pitocin (sp), face up suction cup delivery, 13 inch head, tearing and a episiotomy, with no drugs… a nurse informed me that i should have “just gotten a epidural like everyone else does, b/c there was no need to go through what i did thinking i was superwoman or some nonsense”. My doc was ticked that she said that, when HE was the one telling everyone i was superwoman.
BTW: he was also ticked b/c the OB that did the episiotomy (without my consent) told him that “if i had of known that the baby was face-up i would have forced her to consent to a c-section. B/c that was totally ridiculous.” He said i’m a lady so he couldn’t tell me what his response was… lmao.
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Heather P Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 9:01 am (Quote)
It sounds like your OB is a good guy. I’m sorry you had other care providers when he couldn’t be there.
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jennifer Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 9:42 am (Quote)
he was there for 25 hours straight, he’s not a OB he’s a family doctor and he is required to call in a OB in the event there might be an emergency c-section. He’s a great guy and absolutely loves my daughter, she was born not breathing and it scared the crap out of him. Turns out she was holding her breath, she was is and always will be “his lil stinker”.
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Kat Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 9:44 am (Quote)
Two thumbs WAY up to your doctor. I always just love hearing about the good guys.
As for that nurse… My parents always taught me NOT to just do things because everyone else is doing them. I try to teach my kids the same thing. If there’s a good reason why a lot of people are doing something (the recent surge in popularity of reusable grocery bags instead of disposable, for one example) then sure, it’s great to join in for a good cause. But with something that may not benefit you and has certain risks, there’s no reason to do it JUST because it happens to be popular.
I am sure my mom had plenty of people ask her why she chose to breastfeed, after all *everyone* used formula in those days. Maybe she was just trying to be superwoman, or enjoyed being weird…(Ha!)
But as time goes on we keep learning more and more ways breastfeeding benefits both moms and babies, and more reasons to offer support and encouragement to at least give breastfeeding a try when it’s possible! What “everyone else” does isn’t always what’s best for me, or my family.
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Suzanne Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:50 am (Quote)
Wow, a c-section for a sunny side up baby? Craziness. My second was that way and he made me go through 24 hours of labor (stinker) to get him out. But, he came out the old fashioned way–and turned himself around while in the birth canal.
No way would I consent to a c-section for something so silly.
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Michelle Potter had this to say,
Mar 8, 2010 @ 11:01 am (Quote)
A martyr is someone who is willing to suffer for what they believe, because they know that some things are more important than pain or even death. I believe that a healthy baby, a labor that doesn’t stall unnecessarily, the ability to feel myself pushing, and a good start to breastfeeding are all very important, and if I have to suffer a little (for me, totally manageable) pain, it’s worth it. If that makes me a martyr, so be it.
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I know that I’m gonna get a lot of comments for this, but I see the nurse’s point. Granted, she should’ve been more understanding, but let’s face it, compassion and empathy are not things you can teach a person, which is horrible considering she’s in a profession where you’d think that a person would be more understanding. But, personally, I think that unless a woman is allergic to the meds, or there’s some type of medical reason why she can’t receive them, I see no reason why a woman shouldn’t have pain meds during birth. Yes, you can say that women have been giving birth without meds for thousands of years, and actually, both my grandmothers did, but those women didn’t have the choices that we have now. When I asked my grandmother’s advice about getting an epi or going without one, she immediately said, Honey, get the epi. She had 6 kids, all at home, all with no meds, all with a midwife, and she told me that if she could’ve had an epi, she would have. I know that not all experiences are gonna be the same, but I don’t feel that having an epi makes my labor unnatural, or that I won’t bond with my daughter as much, or that I’m not giving my daughter the best. I’ve read info from both sides, I’ve watched medicated and non medicated births, I’ve talked to my OB, and I feel that the best decision for me is to have meds.
I’m not saying that having meds is better, I’m just saying that the decision should be the mom’s, and should be respected by everyone no matter what she decides.
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Kat Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 3:32 pm (Quote)
Heather, I do agree with you that each woman should have the right to make her own choice, and receive support for her choice. The issue here is that while the choice to birth with medication receives wide support, the choice to go without is acceptable to mock. It’s mocked everywhere from the nurses in the hospital, to the huddle of stroller moms on the playground. From big budget movies, to sitcoms on primetime TV.
Occasionally, some extremists will make ridiculous statements about choosing to birth with medication, but the reality is those who choose medication are the majority, and those who do not receive almost no support from society in general, despite scientific evidence that in general, adding medications to the birth process adds a level of risk (even though it is slight, it IS still risk, and not all women choose to add those risks to their births).
I think it’s great we can discuss this, and I hope even though “tone” is hard to read, that you will be able to “hear” me, and that you can understand I FULLY respect your informed choice to use medications during the births of your children, just as you respect others’ choices too. 
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Michelle Potter Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 5:27 pm (Quote)
Heather, I’m willing to bet that the only comments you get are agreeing that “the decision should be the mom’s, and should be respected by everyone no matter what she decides.”
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Dreamy Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 12:15 pm (Quote)
Yeah, I know this is old, but…
She had 6 kids, all at home, all with no meds, all with a midwife, and she told me that if she could’ve had an epi, she would have.
Even knowing she’d have been much more likely subject to various interventions, which increase the risk of C/S, etc., etc., etc.? Perhaps not.
Shoot, if all the epi did was reduce the pain significantly and nothing else whatsoever came along with it– sign me up! But that’s simply not true.
The main issue most NCBers have with the epi is not that it will interfere with bonding or that it’s “toxic” to the baby (it really is safer than many other drug options). There are far more risks than that, many of which have less to do with the epi and more to do with the other interventions that almost always go along with it.
I think this is evidence that the obsession with pain, the epidural, etc. is a bit of a red herring. A lot of the conversation of childbirth now centers around, “Are you going to get the epi, or not? Well, the epi has some risks, but obviously not too many, or else everyone wouldn’t be getting it, and my doctor said, and you don’t get a medal, etc., etc.” Instead of looking at the entire state of maternity “care” in the US (and elsewhere).
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H. O'Brien had this to say,
Mar 8, 2010 @ 4:39 pm (Quote)
Glad this was mentioned BEFORE even setting foot to birth in that hospital!
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Add Your Comment.
Wow, totally uncalled-for.
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