Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Mar
5
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“I Wouldn’t Tell Anyone Yet, If I Were You.”
“I wouldn’t tell anyone yet, if I were you.”-OB to mother who had experienced two years of infertility, a miscarriage and a diagnosis of PCOS, and was finally in the OB office for a positive Home Pregnancy Test.
There are 14 comments to this post.
Although I’m sure it wasn’t said in the nicest of ways, I can understand the sentiment. I know many moms whose story is similar to this and they wait 9 out of 10 times until 2nd trimester to tell more than a handful (if that) of people. I personally wanted people to surround me with prayer and support after my m/c and subsequent pregnancies. Too bad this OB doesn’t seem like a supportive one. My OB cried with me when my m/c was confirmed.
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Okay, while I can admit this probably could have been said in a more caring and nuturing way, I can understand why the OB would say this. I was told I would never have children without fertility treatments and even then it would never be certain they would even work. I was diagnosed with non-specific ovarian and uteren failure (basically a cop-out for “we have NO idea what’s wrong with you”). I had a least 7 misscarriages that I know about for sure, 3 of them before I had my first daughter. Even when I had a pregnancy that finally “stuck”, turned out it was twins and I lost one of the babies at 15 weeks. I am very blessed that today I have two very beautiful girls, but during my pregnancies I was very told to be cautious about who I told, just in case I again misscarried. I know that sometimes doctors can lack tact, but I think if I had to deal with misscarriages as much as the OB’s do, I would have to find a way to create separation from the situation or I would loose my mind. But I maybe a few lessons in at least pretending compassion would help some of these docs 
.
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Herb of Grace had this to say,
Mar 5, 2010 @ 6:16 pm (Quote)
This is my story, and the rest of it is that this was said, with a shrug, as a response to my tearful question what could I do to prevent miscarrying this time as I had once before, and in front of my family.
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Chara Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 6:20 pm (Quote)
I am so sorry that this was said- particularly in the way that it was said. As if you needed to be told that you should still be cautious at that point, or discouraged, for that matter. I hope that things worked out well for you.
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Brook Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 9:55 pm (Quote)
At first I understood the doctor trying to protect you from pain, but saying it THAT way is just cruel and not at all an approriate ot helpful response to your question. I am so sorry you had that experience, and hope you found a more compassionate doctor to be on your team!
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Lauren Reply:
March 6th, 2010 at 12:57 am (Quote)
I’m so sorry he was that dismissive. I hope things went okay with the pregnancy.
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Herb of Grace Reply:
March 6th, 2010 at 11:52 am (Quote)
Actually, no. I went on to have a missed miscarriage, discovered at 15 weeks. Found out later that the doc neglected to tell me about a new treatment for PCOS pregnancies that could have saved my baby. I am now pg with my second baby since the two mc. Needless to say, different doctor, for sure.
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Mitch Reply:
March 7th, 2010 at 7:26 am (Quote)
Out of curiosity, what is/was the treatment you’re speaking about?
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Probably not the nicest thing to say, but definitely a good idea……there really ISN’T anything to prevent early miscarriage, and you might as well not have to go through everyone asking about the baby after you lose it…..
I realize that this sounds heartless, and I probably am, but honestly, those home pregnancy tests cause more grief…..used to be, you weren’t sure you were pregnant til you missed 2 periods, by which time the baby was probably going to be viable. Now, you find out so soon that nature doesn’t have a chance to figure out if this little zygote can make it into a fetus and sets everyone up for heartbreak.
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Aron Reply:
March 6th, 2010 at 5:21 pm (Quote)
I knew I was pregnant long before it was soon enough to take any test. I am not alone in that experience. You know, several people thought they were being oh so helpful when they told me after my miscarriage that if I hadn’t tested so soon I wouldn’t have known in the first place (code for stop being so sad around me, because I can’t take it). I’ll tell you what I wish I’d had the gumption to tell them: I lost my CHILD. I am grateful for each and every day that I had the chance to know of her existence. If someone’s grief over a child too small for YOU to see makes you uncomfortable that’s just too bad – learn to grieve with those who grieve. And just so you know “those home pregnancy tests” are just as accurate as the strips used in the doctor’s office – I imagine times have changed a bit since you would have needed one. Any way the tests never once were the cause of grief – it’s always the loss of the much loved and wanted child that makes women cry.
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See, I actually agree with this…speaking as one who dealt with three years of infertility, a miscarriage, and a diagnosis of PCOS. The sad reality is that women with PCOS do tend to have a higher chance of miscarriage. The OB might not have phrased it in the kindest way possible, but the underlying message is valid.
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