Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Feb
27
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“Oh That’s A Stupid Thing To Worry About…”
“Oh, that’s a stupid thing to worry about . . . in all my years delivering babies, I’ve only had that happen twice.” -OB to mother at the first prenatal visit for her fourth child. Mother had expressed fear of losing this baby to SIDS. The mother’s previous child had died four months before of SIDS, and was of those ‘only happened twice’ patients.
There are 21 comments to this post.
Crystal @ Semi-Crunchy Mama had this to say,
Feb 27, 2010 @ 4:23 pm (Quote)
OMG. My heart’s breaking for this momma.
There’s obviously no sensitivity training in med school, is there?
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IN. EX. FREAKING. CUSABLE.
OP, I’m so sorry for your loss, and I hope you’ve found a real care provider. I can’t imagine the emotions this must have put you through to hear this said straight to your face by someone who should have known better. I pray you will have a peaceful pregnancy, a beautiful birth, and a full life with your surviving children while you wait to be reunited with the one who passed on.
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Of all the inappropriate things I’ve heard people say to the grieving, this one tops them all.
OP, I too am sorry for your loss and wish you a peaceful, joyful life with your surviving children as you wait to be reunited with the one who is waiting for you.
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Lindsey Carr-Ruck had this to say,
Feb 27, 2010 @ 5:35 pm (Quote)
This shows how prepared docs are when they come in the exam room. The OB didn’t taken the time to read her history or remember her name.
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Jane Reply:
February 27th, 2010 at 6:14 pm (Quote)
That happened to me with a midwife. My unborn baby had been diagnosed with anencephaly. THe midwife came into the exam room all cheer and birdsong, “How are we doing!” and I said, dully, “Hanging in there.”
She stopped on a dime, looked at the chart, and then was very sombre and supportive. I bet she never sailed into an exam room again without checking the chart first.
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Jena Reply:
February 27th, 2010 at 7:00 pm (Quote)
The scales that balance between upbeat service, sensitivity, and getting things done in an expeditious manner are very easily upset and I think it’s very easy to slip up. I volunteer at a place of worship a couple times a month and on our schedules we get different little quotes and reminders every time. One I’ve gotten and that I think really, ultimately sums up what a care taker’s service creed should be is (I might be paraphrasing) “Don’t offend the Spirit for the sake of efficiency.” In other words, yes there’s a job to be done and outlines and policies, but when it comes down to it, the person in front of you is more important than a clock or something we do to make our own day run a little smoother.
It’s great that your midwife immediately checked herself, though, and acted appropriately as soon as she realized her mistake.
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Remove foot from mouth doc.
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Heather P Reply:
February 27th, 2010 at 7:41 pm (Quote)
Most of the comments on here are really bad, but its the insensitive comments that are said to mothers who lose their babies that really take the cake. Its unbelieveable how insensitve and just plain stupid some “care providers” can be. This one is unforgiveable.
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I am breathless with outrage and sorrow-sympathy here. To the OP, I hope that next baby is healthy and happy and growing. And I am outraged at the OB. (I first typed furious, but oddly I’m not. There’s so much shock that there’s really no room for what I can exactly call anger, though I think it’s deserved.) There’s no reason for that to be said, ever, to any mother, but least of all to someone in your situation, who has experienced that loss.
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I’m the one who submitted this — it was actually my Mom’s experience. Her third daughter died very unexpectedly of SIDS (of course, when isn’t it unexpected? — but the baby was female, only 21 days old, fully breastfed, never been around a smoker, all things that put her at lower risk). My Mom had had two babies with this doctor previously. Then a dozen or so prenatal visits with her third. Then the actual birth of her third. Then she’d been in for her 6 week follow up after my sister died, another appointment for meds to get her periods started a few weeks after that and then just a month or so later when she was pregnant again. He’d seen her literally dozens of times before, and a few times since the baby had actually died.
I imagine that doctor probably had a pretty busy practice — but she said not once did he seem to even have the faintest glimpse of recognition of her (with her first three children, or even after, when she was one of only two patients to lose a baby to SIDS). She finally did switch providers with her fifth and sixth children, and remembered being shocked that not only did the new doctor remember her, her history and situation, but ran up to her in a store once and introduced her by name (with no reminder) to his wife, and asked her how my Dad’s new job was going!
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Heather P Reply:
February 28th, 2010 at 7:23 am (Quote)
I’m glad that your mom was able to find a better care provider after this. My heart goes out to her when this happened. How horrible. Not just that he was so uncaring and brushed aside a mother’s fears. But that the women he saw in his practice were all faceless to him and not worth it to him to remember.
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Add Your Comment.
Dear Doctor:
Read. The. Chart.
Love,
Everyone
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Sheva Reply:
February 27th, 2010 at 8:27 pm Sheva(Quote)
PS Burn in Hell.
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Jane Reply:
February 28th, 2010 at 4:28 am Jane(Quote)
I wouldn’t put the dude in Hell for that. Maybe remedial compassion school, though.
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