Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Dec
10
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“…With Young Mothers We Tend To Assume That There Is No Father…”
“Well, with young mothers we tend to assume that there is no father, so we don’t
upset them by asking.” -Nurse coming in with birth certificate where father’s side was left blank, while the husband was sitting right there still in his sailor’s suit from flying in!
There are 38 comments to this post.
I have 3 young sons close in age and look very different from each other – from a red head & green eyes, blond blue eyed, and dark Asian features. So I brought my 3 boys to my last OB appointment. The OB asks – “Are they all yours?” “Yes,” I responded.
She says, “No, I meant, did you give birth to all 3?” I say again, “Yes”.
Then she goes on to ask… “Same Father?!”
“YES!” (all of this she could have found on my medical record!)
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It occurs to me that what the nurse did there was fraud, since she was in charge of filing a document with the state and she presumably signed off that it was filled out completely and to the best of her knowledge. So it’s more than just a boneheaded thing to say (yeah, all these babies received genetic material from only their mothers) but something that could get the hospital in legal trouble.
I’d follow up on that. There’s got to be a department of records or something similar in the state which governs the accuracy of the birth certificates.
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Jenn Riedy Reply:
December 12th, 2009 at 2:29 pm (Quote)
I’m going to guess that the paper she was bringing in was just a “commemorative” birth certificate…not the “legal” one.
But you do raise a VERY good point. Even if the mother is not married, isn’t the name of the father, if known, supposed to be recorded?
I had a client who opted not to reveal the name of the father (even though she knew who it was–she wanted to make it a bit more difficult for him to be able to exert any paternity claim), and that created a lot of issues because even though she’d been tested for STD’s like any other pregnant woman, the nurses basically assumed she was bedding down anyone who asked (thus why she “didn’t know” who the father was), and thus must certainly have something. They would barely hand her a cup of water without wearing gloves.
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Kimmee Reply:
December 12th, 2009 at 7:17 pm (Quote)
Jenn, that was another thing… I had already filled out the white form for all of the information they put of the birth certificate and submitted it when I registered to the hospital. What the nurse brought in was the actual Louisiana State birth certificate with all of my information typed in. All it was missing was my signature and the official seal at the bottom right hand corner.
In the state of LA if you are not married, even if the father is there, a paternity test must be done to prove paternity and then the father can be put on the birth certificate… at least that’s the legal way. A lot of nurses, though, have put the alleged fathers on there without the testing. We’re a strange state.
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Michelle Potter Reply:
December 13th, 2009 at 10:51 am (Quote)
That is just ridiculous. They HAD the paper with the dad’s info, but they just left it off?? Did the form you filled out state that you were married, too?
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Kimmee Reply:
December 13th, 2009 at 12:42 pm (Quote)
Yes, it did. I even had to bring in my marriage certificate during registration.
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Jane Reply:
December 13th, 2009 at 4:02 pm (Quote)
Fraud. That’s definitely fraud.
I’m wondering now if it was laziness, or if the hospital got some kind of bonus or recognition or special help from the state if they delivered a certain percentage of babies to unmarried moms.
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Michelle Potter Reply:
December 14th, 2009 at 4:37 pm (Quote)
My guess is that it’s simple prejudice. I had my first baby at 20, but I’ve always looked younger than I am. Until I was about 27 I would get almost constant rude comments from perfect strangers about having kids “at my age.” I am married, and my husband is the father of all my children, but that never stopped anyone from looking at me like I must be an idiot, ruining my life, a terrible mother, and popping out babies for the welfare checks. (I’m 28 and I still get rude comments, but now people focus on *how many* kids I have — 7 — instead of how old I am.)
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Kimmee Reply:
December 12th, 2009 at 5:29 pm (Quote)
Jane, well, this incident occurred almost 4 years ago. I was seventeen years old. At the time I wasn’t sure what was or wasn’t legal. My Mother in Law, who is also a nurse, was also in the room and began screaming “LAWSUIT! WE WILL SUE YOU! FIX IT! FIX IT NOW!” and following the nurse out of the room. I was in tears.
I never thought of it that way, though… fraud never occurred to me.
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Lisa Reply:
January 18th, 2010 at 7:00 am (Quote)
OMG your MIL is awesome!
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Kimmee Reply:
January 18th, 2010 at 9:44 am (Quote)
Well, that was the ONLY time MIL has ever been awesome. lol. She’s totally against me being a Doula and has been trying to get DH to keep me from starting Midwifery School this year. Alternative birthing “isn’t safe”, you know. All that fun stuff. Leave it to the OBs and RNs like her. -eye roll-
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Midwives are awesome! I will never have a child in a hospital if I can help it 
How terrible! I was married at 16 then had my daughter at 17. My husband is in the military but was fortunate enough to be home for her birth, but I got the same kind of treatment from the nurses. Although they didn’t mess with the birth certificate! Before I switched to a CNM from an OB/GYN I had to constantly “correct” the OB that my husband was in fact, my husband, not a boyfriend. It’s just rude!
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Okay, so I attended a birth at this same hospital a couple of days ago (I’m a doula, now) and I stayed overnight with the mother in postpartum and that next morning a woman came in with the birth certificate… she is giving the mother a really hard time. It didn’t help that her first question after looking at the Mom’s medical record was “Is this an adoption thing?” She was being rude the entire time and kept saying how she “Had other things to do and other places to be and was really looking forward to leaving work after this.” Some of the questions for the birth certificate were seriously ridiculous and none I had ever heard them ask before. She asked where the father worked and made us look up the address of the actual store in the phonebook because otherwise the father could not be listed on the certificate… then she asks what his job title is. She said she was sure it was “Sales Associate” so the birth certificate lady tells her “We have to know that for a fact that that’s what he is or he can’t be on the certificate.” We had to call the father’s work and ask because we couldn’t get in touch with the father. In the middle of all of this, I kept thinking to myself “I know this woman…” my husband and son show up to pick me up and I ask them to wait for me outside of the room. The lady looks at me and says “Is that your son?” I told her yes. She said “Was he born here?” I nodded and she said “I probably did his birth certificate.” BAM. This lady was the exact woman I had submitted this story to MyOBSaidWhat? Holy. Crap. Apparently she hasn’t changed.
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Jane Reply:
December 20th, 2009 at 4:24 pm (Quote)
Report her. I don’t care where you report her, but find somewhere and report her. Start with the director of the maternity unit,and find out if that’s policy. Call the state department of records and find out if they really need to know the father’s job title and work phone number in order to put a name on the birth certificate. Call the hospital ombudsman and let him or her know what went on in that room.
What she’s doing is harassment.
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Nadia Reply:
December 20th, 2009 at 5:22 pm (Quote)
i really don’t understand why some people go into a profession that they seem so absolutely miserable in and then proceed to just make everyone else miserable… especially a profession in which compassion, understanding and patience (not to mention a good bedside manner) would be key. i just don’t get it…
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Heather (qtberryhead) Reply:
December 20th, 2009 at 10:47 pm (Quote)
Kimmee–
On one hand you should feel relieved that it wasn’t just you, and on the other hand you should be pissed that she is insulting and abusive to everyone. I agree with Jane that there should be some action taken to reprimand this woman for her behavior.
Women deserve to be treated with respect before, during, and after their deliveries.
Personally, I’m not sure that I would allow that woman to work in a morgue, let alone with new mothers.
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As her doula, you can write up a complaint for her, and just have her sign. Then send it to the administration of the hospital.
She may only get a slap on the wrist, but after a few letters like this from various mothers (written by you [for the mother with her consent] but the hospital doesn’t need to know that), she may be out looking for another job.
One at a time!!
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I contacted a friend of mine who works in administrations in the hospital and she’s helping me make formal complaints. Apparently I can even file my own complaint against the woman despite my incident being so long ago, so I’m going there today to do that, too!
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North of 49 had this to say,
Dec 27, 2009 @ 11:52 pm (Quote)
I had a blonde woman bounce into my labour room without identifying herself after DH and the baby were taken to the nicu and she demanded to know who to contact about the birth and where my parents were and more. I assumed she was a social worker because my social worker (see below) warned me that the hospital one might visit. She questioned me about my birth mark because it looks like a huge bruise. She grilled me about my relationship with my DH, demanded to know where my other two kids were and who their fathers were, about my drug and alcohol consumption and more. She demanded to know where was the father of my latest child was and more importantly, where was my baby. I was sitting on an ice pack, picking at disgusting food, and trying not to cry because I wanted to be with her and praying she was still breathing. She was put on 50% O2 because her lungs were “wet” and she was “grunty” when she was born. I repeatedly told the blonde the same thing: “She is with her father in the nicu.” “He is in the Nicu.” “Why don’t you ask him, in the Nicu?” “If you think I drink and do drugs, why don’t you test my blood? The only thing you’ll find is fentanyl and they gave that to me for labour!” She finally shut up and bounced out of the room. DH never spoke to her.
I was 34 years old, a mother of 3, in a relationship with the same man for over 7 years at that point, not 18, and having a fun time with CPS because my drunk neighbor was tired of me calling on her kids all the time and decided revenge was fun. Anytime I called on her after one of her drunk pissers where she would be up all night with her friends drinking and drugging, she’d call on me and finally the social workers showed up. The neighbor was 26, had at least 2 baby daddies, possibly 3, and was constantly being beaten up by one of them and more. They left me alone 4 months post partum and never offered me any real “help” just chaos. The neighbor lost her kids less than a year later because of yet another one of her parties. Where was that blonde when my neighbor had her baby? Probably bugging some other mom who had her shit together, I bet.
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Prejudice towards young moms really chaps my ass. A friend of mine got a slew of really awful, horrible comments from a sonographer after a miscarriage when she was 18 about how the sonographer would be horrified if HER 18 year old daughter was having sex–and my friend was married! And had just had a miscarriage! Same friend has had care providers assume that her miscarriages were elective abortions, and that the child she -did- give birth to was given up for adoption. Who knew being a young mother (regardless of the “wife” status) was a crime?
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Jessica Giordano had this to say,
Jan 13, 2010 @ 6:36 pm (Quote)
When I had my son (two years ago) I was annoyed when they asked my husband to leave the room and their annoyed with a berage of questions WHILE I WAS IN LABOR, while they admitted me, and then again why they prepped me for my unnecessary csection. “Do you have enough food” “Do you have heat” “does your husband beat you” “do you feel safe” LOOK LADY ASK ME THESE QUESTIONS LATER!
And as far as that rotten woman Kimmie, she should not have argue about work title or anything like that what does it matter. My paperwork for the birth certificate was simple and the records people read it over and that was it. I got the social security card in the mail a few days later and picked up the certificate I had to go pick up
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My mother was 17 when I was born in 1974 and there is no father listed on my birth certificate because they weren’t married. I like to tell people I sprang fully formed from my mother’s forehead. My father knew I was his and my mother had all of his information, has in fact written it on the birth certificate, but because they weren’t married the hospital struck his information from the certificate.
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We had this go around with an oh so politically correct OB on a second opinion on a terribly high risk pregnancy.
She would say “partner” and I would say husband
She would say “fetus” and I would say baby or her name. GAH
My friends, who happen to be lesbians, referred me to her. Turns out they had the same problem, as they refer to each other as “wife”. They got married the first time they married gays in San Francisco, and in recognition of what they had, which was taken away, and what is not recognized in our state.
The ob would say partner and they would say “wife”.
GAH. Respect people and their relationships.
PS, I got the “Are you being abused” questions while my husband was changing into his scrubs for my planned, medically necessary C/S at 34 weeks. This was after she had done my history, and had learned that I was a child welfare worker specializing in domestic violence. IDIOT!
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Argh! I had a nurse at my OB clinc who liked to constantly refer to my husband as my “boyfriend.” I mean, when in doubt, reference the two rings on my left hand… and even then I would have excused it! It was when I’d correct her and then 2 minutes later she’d still be like, “Is your boyfriend supportive?”
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Heather Reply:
December 10th, 2009 at 8:45 pm Heather(Quote)
Tara-
I would have been tempted to say “Yep. He’ll help me hide your body if you call him my boyfriend one more time.”
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Kathy Reply:
December 11th, 2009 at 4:53 am Kathy(Quote)
@Heather,
LOL!!!
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Jane Reply:
December 11th, 2009 at 4:08 am Jane(Quote)
That’s when you reply, “No, my boyfriend is selfish and crass. Thank God for my very supportive husband. Have you met him, by the way? He’s right here.”
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