Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
Nov
18
Posted by My OB said WHAT?!?.
“I’m Used To Dressing The Ones That Wriggle.”
“I’m used to dressing the ones that wriggle”. -Certified Nurse Midwife to family dressing a baby born still.
There are 34 comments to this post.
mommymichael had this to say,
Nov 18, 2009 @ 6:07 pm (Quote)
o.0!!
oh that’s a horrible thing to say.
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I gotta think the CNM was speaking out of discomfort and didn’t know what to say but prattled out something so terrible by accident. I can only hope.
People often do not treat miscarriage, stillbirth, and newborn death the same as any other death. I do not understand this as the loss of a child is one of the worst events a parent can ever experience. Ever.
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Jeez, unlike you guys I didn’t automatically think the baby was dead. ? Hmmm, happily asleep maybe? Why did the baby even have to be dressed if he/she had passed? Anyway, who offered this one…was that the situation?
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Kat Reply:
November 19th, 2009 at 9:04 am (Quote)
Naomi, born still means the baby was dead, and the family was grieving the loss of a child. Why would you NOT dress the baby? Have you ever experienced the death of a family member? Have you ever been to a viewing where the deceased was not dressed and lovingly laid to rest in the casket?
I am forever grateful for the kindness of the NICU nurses who helped dress and bundle my son when he had to be taken off life support, so we could hold him and cherish those few moments with him.
Until you’ve gone through that nightmare, you really cannot fathom the depth of grief to see your precious baby lying there looking like they have just fallen asleep, feel the milk filling your breasts, and know you will never nurse them, never see their smile, never get to see them open their eyes. It’s inexpressibly surreal.
I hope you never ever know what that feels like, from the bottom of my heart.
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Naomi Reply:
November 19th, 2009 at 9:22 am (Quote)
Either I didn’t see the ‘Still’ reference or it wasn’t posted yet when I read it. Try not to assume other people (me!) are idiots!
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Kat Reply:
November 19th, 2009 at 10:36 am (Quote)
Naomi, no one was assuming anything about you, though you came in here guns blazing in your first post with a very accusatory tone towards others. The post itself says the family was dressing a baby born still, right at the top of the page.
Reading the comments on here, it is clear the topic is the death of a baby, not sure why you felt the need to climb on the high horse with stuff like “Jeez” and “Hmmm, maybe the baby was just sleeping?” That family could only wish that their baby was happily sleeping. I can’t even tell you how many times I dreamed that I woke up and it was all a nightmare, and my baby had woken up and smiled at me, and all was well.
I really hope you can see how what you said appears to show a lack of respect and consideration. What we say and how we say it can mean the difference between comforting someone with our empathy, or hurting them worse when they are already shattered.
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Heather Reply:
November 20th, 2009 at 12:52 pm (Quote)
Come on now. Take responsibility, it isn’t hard. You came in here, didn’t read the title, or other comments, and then said something insulting and insensitive.
It happens. Just say, “Oh my! I’m so sorry – I misread!” and move on. Don’t make excuses. Don’t blame shift.
I had a baby die too, and I’m not taking offense… but seriously dude, sometimes we say stupid things. Own it and move on.
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Thankfully when my son was born still I didn’t have to deal with anyone as idiotic as this CNM. My doctors and nurses were all very compassionate and treated me, my husband, and my baby with gentle care. And Kat, thank you for your reply to Naomi, you said everything so well.
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I am the mother who lived this experience. I’d like to thank you all for your kind words. I have found as much healing as one ever does from a loss so unexpected.
naomi, I suggest that you carefully read things before posting as your remark was insensitive and it really shocked me and made me feel very angry at you. For future reference, we dressed our baby because even though he was dead, he was still our son.
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b'earthangel Reply:
February 20th, 2010 at 8:27 pm (Quote)
There is a place in every mother’s heart for those mothers who have lost a child. It goes beyond friends and family, beyond nationality and locale, beyond faith borders. I extend this to you Meg.
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I think my heart just stopped for a little. That makes me so very, very sad that the CNM said that to them.
My mom had a still born baby and was not allowed to see her baby (many decades ago). This breaks my heart that even today heartless things are done and said to vulnerable patients.
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