“I don’t want to scare you but you might as well get an epidural since you will need one when you end up having your cesarean.”  L&D Nurse to a first time mom, 2 hours into a 4 hour start to finish labor. Cesarean was not needed.

10 people dislike these words.

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“It won’t make you sleepy, it’ll just make the pain go away. It’s just like Tylenol.” -CNM to mother when she asked what the side effects of Nubain where.

6 people dislike these words.

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“We have to make sure the baby is safe.”-Ultrasound technician while asking the husband to leave the room with their toddler, when he got fussy during the 20 week ultrasound.

12 people dislike these words.

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‘There are two reasons for having a repeat cesarean, number one, is that you have already preserved your pelvic floor, incontinence can be a real big issue when you are 60. ” -OB to VBAC mother during a consultation.  The number two reason was uterine rupture.

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“You’re nursing too much; you’ll get nipple breakdown” -Postpartum Nurse to new mother after birth.

11 people dislike these words.

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“You have a small mouth and a tight jaw, so your cervix is also tight and will have a hard time opening.” -Midwife predicting to mother during an interview for a midwife, that the mother would have a long and difficult labor.

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“She doesn’t deserve a medal. She deserves a stamp on her forehead that says ‘I’m an idiot!’” – OB to nurses at nurses station, regarding a woman who had labored ‘too long.’

This was said  in response to the birthing woman’s mother (who said her daughter deserved a medal) AFTER the woman’s mother was out of earshot.

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“Oh, we give everyone an epidural, even if they say they don’t want one.” -OB during prenatal when mother stated she wanted a 100% unmedicated birth (no epidural, no pain meds at all) because she was a student of Hypnobabies.

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“This is  (insert patient name)  and she’s trying for a VBAC.  Oh, no, I’m sorry, she’s GOING to have a VBAC!” – L&D nurse introducing her patient to the new nurse coming on shift.

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“Yay! The day is finally here! You get to meet your baby today!” – Midwife to mother who went into labor 11 days past her due date.

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